I'm home...*shock* It's been a while...I've been chillin' with my bro practically the whole day...strollin' around with the dogs...shoppin for the lil things...and you were running thru my mind as u usually do. And the one thing that kept running thru my mind was, "are you thinking about me too?" I lie here in my bed, locked in my room, thinking...wondering...just trying to understand y i'm so gaga over you. Like I've written the other day, I'm looking at the weakest and worst version of myself. I'm clingy...I'm needy...I'm downrigth abnoxious.

You can only choose one person to make it work...

I want u to be with me...I want you to marry me...I want you to love me the way I love you...I don't want to see who you really are...

You can't choose who you love...

Can you tell me what movie this is from???

It fits so well...

People choose everything in their own lives...letting things happen just means that you have led urself to that decision...

Please don't hurt me...

I think in the back of my mind I'm wondering if I made an impact in your life the way you did in mine...knowing nothing can ever be the same in my life again...knowing I'll never have you in my life quite the same way as back then. It's hitting me all at once that I'm soon to say good bye to so many people that have made the difference in my life here at UCLA. People who have shown me the right ways...the wrong ways...some way. Those people who have shown me that some things aren't meant for everyone...you gotta find your own niche. It's so hard to let go when I don't want to...but I have to. When it seems so easy for others to turn their back on me...I can't even blink my eyes on them. Memories last forever but I'd rather have you in my life forever...

Sadly, at one point or another, you just gotta let go...

But I'll be fighting to keep all this to the very last moment you slip away

SHIT...going through so much right now. I'm bound to breakdown again...just break down into tears...into a rage...into a coma of disbelief and failure. Midterm after midterm that I've FUCKED UP...just can't hang. I gotta face that simple fact: "you're not smart and you're not going anywhere." I just can't do this right now. It's another one of those times where I just want to drop everything...leave everything behind...just leave! *long breath* I just need to forget somethings and remember what counts. I guess that's what's pushing me to be so clingy lately...I'm getting down on myself again too and food is becoming my friend 24-7...NOT GOOD! *sigh* and the more I look at my fatness in the mirror the more I'm so close to going back to some bad dieting habits...not eating...just exercising...and when I do eat, eat very lil. *sigh* yeah...very few know about these days when I would do stupid anorexic shit like that. I could control it though...sort of. I need to destress...detox the fatness...di---sappear. I got stuff on my plate right now that just needs to kick back for a bit but gotta take that step forward whether I want to or not and just get shit done.

Let's hope I get through it all...

“It’s love without a doubt now”.

It's unbelievable...I'm the weakest version of myself yet...I find myself anticipating every moment with you...that amazing touch...that sexy voice...those infinite eyes...damn!!!

I find myself so clingy...I find myself desiring to be with you all the time versus anything else in my life and that's not cool. I put you before myself...before others...I'm sad when ur not around and I've never been more exciting than when I'm with you. Call me crazy...call me clingy...maybe I am crazy...maybe I'm just stupid...just infatuated...just in love....

Who would honestly blame me? AIYAH!!! I think I'm asking for too much...he'd never understand cuz to him this relationship has yet to reach its monumental point. It's reached mine already...but I guess that says a lot for me and my relationships. So...so what if this is my first bf/gf relationship that has lasted for more than two and a half months...All those jerks who cheated on me...hurt me...left me behind and made me think that I wasn't worth their love...

Okay, so I still think that they left me behind cuz I'm not pretty...not skinny...not smart...not funny or sweet or kind or whatever! Maybe they left me cuz I'm just too much like "one of the guys". SO what, I PLAY SPORTS!!! Be a man and grow up...there are females who play sports...I'm one of those exceptions to the rule.

Okay, so I make an effort to see you a lot...sue me! I mean, can u blame me really? Look at you!!!! You're so beautiful...inside and outside...a majority of the time.

Honestly for You...

Don’t throw on all that make-up for me.
There ain’t a single part of you I wouldn’t want to see.
Ya see, make-up only makes up for what’s lacking on the inside,
And you ain’t lacking, babe.
And don’t feel you gotta dress no certain way.
There ain’t no statement you could make,
That could say much more than you already say…say…say.
I say I hear you babe.
I hear you when you call to me.
When you’re reaching you to offer me,
The sweetest taste of Heaven.
I hear you when you shout it out-
“It’s love without a doubt now”.
I’m in your arms again
It’s been so strong for so long.
All I can do is hold on.
And take you by surprise,
When you make it home to my eyes…

Where no one’s gonna hold you any higher than I do.
I’ll lift you high, give you all the strength of wings to fly, fly, fly.
No one’s gonna make it any clearer than I do-
Clearly I love…but Honestly for you.

You don’t need to read up on the latest things.
It ain’t no world of yours out there-the circus of magazines.
They’re just photo opportunities,
Making you who they want you to be-
You’re so much better, babe (yes you are).
There ain’t much you’re gonna have to do for me.
Girl, I’m yours so easily. I give you all of Love’s simplicity for free…
Feel free. Feel free to take me, babe. Just take me baby.
Take me where tomorrow lies.
Where the white wings of the Angels fly-
Fly me high to Heaven.
Take me where you want to go cause girl you know I’ll follow.
You just tell me when.
It’s been so strong for so long,
All I do is hold on,
And take you for a ride.
Girl you’re finally home by my side.

~Tony Lucca