Saturday, November 22, 2003

I don't know what it is...I'm just a guy-repelling kinda person

I never finished my last blog and part of me doesn't really care about it though...it's like that disgusting sinking feeling in ur stomach that just pinches you from the inside...a slow twisting kind of pinching...a awfully painful kinda of pinching...BLAH

I just don't understand anything right now...maybe I'm a lil hurt...maybe I'm a lil sad...maybe I'm a lil disappointed...I don't know but I'm just not all here still and I just want YOU to be here right now assuring that tmw is another day and that I'm not stupid...that I'm not ugly or fat...that I'm not the horrible person I perceive myself as. I don't GET IT!!! I'm weary of everyone...of their intentions...of their charm...of their friendship. What do you want from me? It continuously screams in my mind...I just want things to happen now. RIGHT NOW...I don't wanna wait for tmw...I don't wanna wait for next week or the week after or even the week after that. I want things now...the way things use to be. SO what if that's following in my old stupid habits that never really worked out before...I just wanna be happy again...That certain joy that I've been missing...maybe it's you...maybe it isn't...I don't know but I do know I want things now...FORGET TMW...tmw is probably gonna be just like today...then where are we left? An endless fucking cycle that will never fucking end for me...I'll just replay it over and over again until I'm so crazy from it that I can't hold my sanity any more.

It's so much easier to turn away...to run away...to not exist. I just wanna go to my safe haven right now and be in ur arms...where nothing harms me...where the only thing that matters is us...the way it should always be.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Hope out of a hopeless dream

I don't know what it is lately but I'm missing something in my life right now...it's definite that there is this certain joy that I can't partake in because (oh, and I hate to put it this way) of you (or something about you, at least)...

I realize I am way too dependent on others and for some reason, that only half bothers me...I believe that it's great that I'm finally allowing people to be apart of me again...then there is the other half that wonders, how can I make it on my own? I'm like a lil puppy...following others around so I can find my way

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Why...why are we still friends???
We do almost everythin that lovers do
& that’s y it’s hard just to be friends w/u
Every time ur <3 is broken by the fool
I want u to know that it hurts me too
It’s hard to wipe ur tears away
Knowing that u should be with me
Now tell me y

Y – y are we still friends
When everything says
We should be more than we are
& tell me y every time I find
Someone that I like
We always end up just being friends"

YEAH, WHY????

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

so then I started thinking about the future...


I'm having one of those days where the random thoughts incessantly pop into my mind...I was just searching through people's profiles when i came across a crush calculator link...but then that reminded me of the funky site I found freshman year, the love calculator...u put in ur name and someone else's name to see how compatible u are...here are some names I put in:

Sheena sanchez michael foster

64 %


Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Sheena sanchez and michael foster has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not. Your relationship may suffer good and bad times. If things might not be working out as you would like them to, do not hesitate to talk about it with the person involved. Spend time together, talk with each other.

Sheena sanchez Jorge ortiz

96 %


Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Sheena sanchez and Jorge ortiz has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship. Remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc.

Sheena sanchez GE

63 %


Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Sheena sanchez and GE has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not. Your relationship may suffer good and bad times. If things might not be working out as you would like them to, do not hesitate to talk about it with the person involved. Spend time together, talk with each other.

Sheena sanchez edward jung

96 %


Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Sheena sanchez and edward jung has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship. Remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc.

Sheena sanchez Adrian Tam

42 %


The chance of a relationship working out between Sheena sanchez and Adrian Tam is not very big, but a relationship is very well possible, if the two of you really want it to, and are prepared to make some sacrifices for it. You'll have to spend a lot of quality time together. You must be aware of the fact that this relationship might not work out at all, no matter how much time you invest in it.

Sheena sanchez jonny dep

51 %


Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Sheena sanchez and jonny dep has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not. Your relationship may suffer good and bad times. If things might not be working out as you would like them to, do not hesitate to talk about it with the person involved. Spend time together, talk with each other.

Sheena sanchez son phan

74 %


Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Sheena sanchez and son phan has a reasonable chance of working out, but on the other hand, it might not. Your relationship may suffer good and bad times. If things might not be working out as you would like them to, do not hesitate to talk about it with the person involved. Spend time together, talk with each other.


Funny, huh???? Dang, scary how some of those numbers are hella high and some are hella low. But yea, anyways...continue my lil shizzy about my gala and sunday.

So gala was fun...of course, always running behind but for the most part...it was fun. Ivan tried the dancing thing...tried to teach him cha-cha of course...and yea, all the old school Pilipino dances. Yea, fun stuff...I had a slow dance with TJ...feel bad though cuz Ivan was watching us from the side...lol but yea, couldn't help it, TJ was drunk. Ivan and I topped off the night with slurpees from 7-11...wOOT Woot!

Sunday...so yea, sent a prayer out for Rosey at church. Then I took off for Pasadena to watch Johnny's playoff game (ron's too.) hehe I crossed the Picket line at a vons to get the team some gatorade. Yea yea yea...I was a lil too dressy for a bball game but what can I say, I went to church and i had plans later on in the night. But it was a good game...almost blew a lead but it was crazy tightness. Mai, Arvin, Joyce, Johnny, Ron, and I all went out to eat afterwards in Ol' town Pasadena at City Thai. It was funny cuz stupid Mai told Ron to ride with me and he did. Made me uncomfortable a bit cuz he was staring at me and I could feel it without seeing it. But yea, he didnt' need to ride with me though cuz first of all, he drove his own car...second of all, he didn't know where hte place was at. It was rather funny. But um, yea...ron is cool. He helped contribute in getting my Eddie Jones jersey. hehe just call me baby EJ. I went out to dinner with Gabe later on that night at the 50's cafe down Santa monica. It was kinda cool...sorta of a old cafe-ish 50's style type restaurant...i expected the hella greasy but not the hella food coma afterwards. I hella remember from that night was when Gabe ordered ONE oreo milk shake and the waitress came back with two separate cups...haha, that was hilarious. I'm guessing gabe wanted to do that whole milk shake sharing thang. haha I mean, I wasn't all down for it anyways but haha that was funny nonetheless. So, I had a great weekend...and the week, well, we'll see. It's beat SC week...hopefully we win.

Song of the moment: "make me whole" Amel Larrieux

Mood: Not sleepy at all...hella reminiscing right now

Monday, November 17, 2003

blah...blah...BLAH

Sunday, November 16, 2003

Back to the future

Last nite was my pch gala...fun stuff! The wonderfully Funny freshie, Ivan, was my date. It was a crazy day...starting from a shizzy UCLA football game

TBC...I'm too tired to finish this right now...went out to dinner with Gabe to the "50's cafe"...too sleepy to deal with anything...gonna wake up later to do hwk