BlAh
I hate the fact that my last entry was not posted...argh...I hate you stupid internet! I can't write those words again...the pain of rewriting them or even trying to rethink them will make my mind explode. Hardcore thoughts like the ones I wrote earlier are hard to put in words again. *sigh* What can I say??? I've been on "what the fuck...why the hell is this happening to me" mode for the past week or so. Like God is punishing me for something. I don't know what I've done but everything in my life right now seems messed up...I don't know...social aspects are affecting academics and responsibilities...can't forget the family shit too...I just wish I had my car right now so I can drive...drive anywhere...as long as it's away from here. I want to be at my safe haven...I want to be far far far away from everything and everyone right now because...because...because nothing is bringing me happiness.
Weird Shit:
Old...too old...but does age really matter??? I see the sweetness and joy in your smile and I wish i had seen it today. I know nothing will ever come from this crush of mine except for this beautiful friendship we're a part of now but one can hope for something more...
The past...*wish you knew I was talking about you*...should be forgotten but yet you still linger in my heart and mind. I hear you, see you, and often times I think of you because we shared something deep that will never really fade. We could have had something wonderful but you never let it develop...we never developed into anything more than friends. But that's okay because I am glad I still have part of you in my life...I kn ow the lil things about you that make you tick and what you think of...except for one thing, "do I ever cross your mind?" We always have those wonderful days that are now behind us...
Young...too young...I won't let myself get involved with such a thing only cuz maturity levels are at opposite ends and in the most part will never work...we're just too different but that doesn't mean we can't be friends.
Random...our meeting was random...our moments together are random...we're random but the way you treat me makes sense...makes me feel good and reminds me that there are a few guys left that are decent...but I have someone already in my life
YOU...YES, YOU...hate to say the current one but you are...and right now I'm thinking that won't last. It hurts me to write this only cuz I want it to work between you and me...the real question of my ordeal is do you want it to work? You sure don't act like it. That discourages me and makes me wonder why I got involved...I want more from you and I believe i deserve it...if you're not willing to give that to me then...
...the silence of the phone tells me it was you who didn't call...
The far one...you put a smile upon my face though you are at a distance...I miss you and I'm glad we talked out somethings last night...helped make a meager day a lil brighter...you haven't ever really let me down. Someday you will but then again that is life...I know you would never mean to let me down though. Thank you for just being you...I wish you were here right now to assure me that this bullshit will subside and things will be fine again but then again it always does...I just wish you were the one saying it to me right now.
So I am not easily understood...big deal...I'm not meant to be...
Life is a roller coaster right now...I'm just waiting for the ride to get a lil better.
Eight more days and my birthday will be here!!! But what can I really look forward to???
-A tagalog midterm
-A Geo midterm
-NO CRUISE
-An English midterm
-Credit card bill
-RENT PAYMENT
...more shit???
No one will probably remember my birthday except my best friends...so sad...once again I don't feel loved...argh!
I need to sleep...I think the lack thereof is making me delusional.
Song of the moment: "Rush rush" paula abdul
Mood:...if u actually have to read this part to know what mood I am in, it is apparent you had not read my blog.
