Dang...the emptiness continues to fill me inside. It's always some dumbass holiday that the memories fill me inside and I feel even emptier...I turn on the radio and u hear constant ads for mother's day "Don't forget, Mother's day is May 8th!" I walk into a store and a salesperson hands me a flier for some hallmark cards thingy for Mother's day...Flip on the tv and I see shows with mother's day as it's story plot...YEAH, SO WHAT!?!why must I be reminded like that? Everyone gets to be all happy and giddy and excited to show how they appreciate their moms...and then there's me...stuck in this hole, dying inside cuz I don't get that luxury. That when my chances were here, I didn't really take advantage of them...and now, all I can feel is total remorse and regret...sadness and depression...wishing somewhere inside that I can find closure and not miss you so much, mom. I want u here...I want u here so badly...I didn't get to hug u much...I didn't get to tell u how much I cared...cuz I was stupid. I thought u'd always be around...I'm sooo sorry.

I still have lola but that's not the same...it's not u...I start crying just thinking about u sometimes and people don't understand why...I'm never gonna get over it. Ur my mom...u don't just get over losing ur mom....U JUST DON'T...especially someone who took care of me like u did. U were always there...and I just could never see that til now.

I miss u so much...