In every way, I can still feel him...
In some ways, I can still see him...
In so many ways I can still breathe him...
...he's still here with me
"he showeth himself a passionate lover of that unspeakable and everlasting beauty to be seen by the eyes of the mind."
& that cannot be held back by me
One cannot fight the strength of his love...I can't fight it: I never was able to and still now, how can I fight it?
I'm just too weak
These churning emotions tormenting my every means of being
Every night is a rememberance...
Look at the stars, how they twinkle like the spark in his eyes
I can still see him in the back of my mind smiling back at me as if his smile was made just for me
Nothing else seemed to matter...no one else did matter...we were the only ones who existed when I was wrapped in his arms
His kiss was something else: soft, tender, and ever so sweet...I can still taste him
The lingering tingle...a sensation he was only able to send through me
Thoughts? How can I think when an angel like him was standing just inches away from me?
Would you have been able to think...?
"When, in disgrace with Fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state, And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries, and look upon myself and curse my fate, wishing me like to one more rich in hope, featured like him, like him with friends posssessed, desiring this man's art and that man's scope, with what I most enjoy contented least; Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising, haply I think on thee"
Running away was easier than to face a man I could barely be around...W...E...A...K...
Falling...oh what a feeling to be stuck in this disposition
It is ur face and ur memory that holds me together...
I miss you

Hey, u'd be in this odd state too if u were reading so much chaucer and shakespeare and sidney and donne that ur bleeding it from ur ass!!! hehe Sorry, but I gotta say studying and memorizing this shit like my life depends on it is killing me right now. I'm so afraid of not passing 8-S DAMN!!!

Song of the moment: "Have a lil faith in me" Joe cocker *I think*

Mood: Totally worried

Finally here once speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything and how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by it
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
You calm the storms and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fold
You still my heart when you take my breath away
Would you take me in take me deeper now
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by it
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by it
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything.. everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything.. everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything.. everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything.. everything
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by it
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by it
Would you tell me how could it be any better any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by it
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

Do u know how it feels...

... to hold feelings for someone cuz ur too afraid to say what u feel? The feelings that U have harbored for so long that u wish they would just end so u could move on with ur life? Do u know how it feels to have random thoughts of that someone pop into ur mind at the oddest times because u realize u wish they were thinking about u too? Do u know how it feels to be lost within a dream wishing that ur special someone was lost amongst ur dreams with u so that they may guide u to ur destination??? DO u know how it feels...do u...

I guess I feel overwhelmed by things again, it's not easy in times of stress. I just feel like sleeping all the time...never rollin off the couch or my bed...Shoot, I'm sooo screwed...I regret, in a way, going through summer school this summer. THis summer I have wanted to break loose and have fun; forget responsibilities and forget my worries. Just have plain fun! But I guess school and work has held me back a bit...*sigh* I'm actually looking forward to next year; this is the year that things change. Responsibilities are a must and I am trying to get to that high position. If I meet someone, that'll be a problem. If don't meet someone, that'll be a problem too. If I meet someone then I'll get caught in responsibilities and keeping a relationship afloat. I'll be so distracted. If I don't meet someone then I'll get all bitter towards everyone and complain all the time like I do now. haha so it's a lose lose situation. I can't complain that much right now though...I'm doing fine I suppose. Besides financial woes and feelings towards others, I'm pretty much in the good. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...I'm goin to go back to work now. I don't know what else to say.

Song of the moment: "The Look" Ryan Tedders

"I wanna know what makes ur world turn round...I wanna hear ur voice for the sound...I would do anything for the look in ur eyes..."

Mood: Rediscovery

I can't really sleep when ur in my mind...Surprisingly enough the smile returns to my face even when u can't see it. It's crazy cuz Rose has someone new in her life but right now she's unsure what to feel or think...I on the other hand am just gitty...who knows really about what but I guess it's cuz of u. Wherever u are or what ur thinking/dreaming about I have no idea but I hope somewhere in ur thoughts I'm fluttering amongst them. I need to study so I am keeping this short...823

Mood: restless over u

Birthdays galore!!!!

July 31st
Minh
*nudges aiza* DC

August 1st
Aiza THE BIG 21
George

August 4th
Gabe the BIG 20

August 22nd
Daddy's the big 53
Stephen's

August 29th
Danielle's

Did I forget anyone's??? I know that Tam's is either the 12th or 14th...something like that.

UGH, my final is this week and I'm just soooo tired and unwilling to study. I'm soooo screwed!!! GOD, Help me!!!

Clarification, Saturday night's entry was not a poem by me. It is a song from Love and Basketball called "You made a fool of me" but yea, embodies so much, don't u think???
Ugh, I don't know anymore I think I've just longing for that certain *thing* right now and nothing else is satisfying my thirst for it. I don't have the strength to push forward right now cuz I'm too stuck in right now. I was doing great for a couple of weeks but now, here I am back at square one. It's hard to put things in words right now when nothing really makes sense. I don't know if it's cuz of the guys, family, friends, work, school, pch, retreat, finals...whatever...I don't know what to do.