Funny how I find it incredibly amusing to read EVERYONE'S Away messages and profiles to the point that I actually start clicking on attached links. I think I avoid things way too much...and for this reason, I look like I have time to DO everything I have planned. Good lord, this week is going to be crazy...with a huge midterm that can make or break my future in the double major world of Communication Studies to auditions for a hierarchal contest of singing and dancing which I think we totally deserve to be in...to stressing out galore. I find myself trying to pull myself together to focus and think ONLY of these things but it is difficult when u find urself longing and desiring for more meaning to ur life...if u don't get what I mean, then just step into my shoes and feel what I feel...see what I see...hear what I hear...and do as I do...for it may all seem so simple but then realize that it is all a huge roller coaster that won't ever end. Last week, well, yea, I went home on Friday...it's an awkward time at my home right now...a permanently torn family struggling to make amends with one another: Stubborn brother who feels the world is against him (especially his family members), a sister struggling to be super daughter/super student while trying to have fun, and a father strewn in the middle of all the bickering trying to keep some kind of order and peace amongst the childish siblings...money is a problem...communication is definitely a barrier...and life itself is unbearable. I admit, I hate to fight w/my brother but I do not feel it is fair for me to put up with his procrastination in order for him to succeed in a past mistake...though, I know I will not turn him away, it does not mean I will not protest his lack of punctuality. I feel it unfair for me not to be able to defend myself in a family of men with but a single one-down daughter...unfair indeed! Finding solace in nothing and seeking for a hidden meaning behind it all. Rainier at this very moment is refusing to come home and u know what, I don't care...his childish "runaway" situation can go on for all I care but it doesn't change anything...he is not copping to his mistakes and he fails to do things on his own. I know I make mistakes and i know I can be hypocritical but I am trying to make my life better though I am failing miserably at it as we speak, I am still putting forth an effort that I see my brother has given up on. The pressure is doubly put on me since my dad has officially told me, on more than one occassion, "I've given up on ur brother, all my hope is on u..." how is a daughter suppose to take that statement???? How is the son suppose to react to that? I don't know...I guess it's doing me more harm than good. How do I make someone proud of me while making another person less angry at me? I don't know but for now, I just want things to settle down and I want to be more relaxed....I have midterms and events to take care of and no bullshit attached PLEEZ!
Song of the Moment: "Call me crazy" by Jonathan Keyes
Lyrics: "Will u walk that extra mile just to meet me half way? Will u drop what it is u have to do? Will the angels flee suddenly and stop every move to see someone like u helping me? Will u feel it in ur veins? Will it pump thru ur blood? Will it change the way u look at life and the way u look at love? well call meeee crazy...isn't it suppose to take some time? Well call meeee crazy...isn't it suppose to take some time? Will u pick up that phone...is 3 am too late? Will u run around in circles just to find that empty space? Will the attitude change and stop every move? Were u that other person i just met in the other room? Will u feel it in ur eyes? Will u see it in ur heart? Will u try to be careful because emotions can be sharp...well call meeee crazy...isn't it suppose to take some time? Well call meeee crazy...isn't it suppose to take some time? Will u feel it in ur veins? Will it pump thru ur blood? Will it change the way u look at life and the way u look at love? well call meeee crazy...isn't it suppose to take some time? Well call meeee crazy...isn't it suppose to take some time?
Mood: torn
