It's funny how u sometimes thinks get more into perspective when u are doing the most random things...I saw some cute guy on my floor holding a raquet...put two n two together and decided to go play tennis. Hahah, but by the times moniqua and I arrived there were no courts left. We ended up just shooting hoops with George the comp. guy for Sproul. he's pretty cool...competitive. haha He hated the fact I won the first time in horse. I haven't played ball since last quarter...ooh, that reminds me, gotta talk to Genivieve about IM this quarter. But yea, I just have a lot on my mind...school in it's own realm and then life in another. The more I wanna study the more I get sidetracked with stupid lil things. Music mainly has taken up my time once again but in a good way because it has become a creative outlet for me. I just wanna sing out loud...to people that I want to sing to...a sweet serenade...a declarating duet...a love story set to music...yea that's what I want. "I believe in love again. And I swear I'll always be there. Isn't this the way it should be???? And if I never see the top of a mtn. And if I never set one foot in the sea...I promise I will love you forever...Cuz u'll always be the biggest part of me, whereever u go, whatever u do...I will follow. U changed the way I use to feel. I promise I will love u forever...u'll always be the biggest part of me." ~Brian mcknight has a way with lyrics and these love-filled ballads that just make me swoon and realize that I'm luckier than I think. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right??? Yea I suppose, that's a good thing. Doesn't mean that seeing couples around school doesn't make me sad and stuff. haha I think last night at the two south reunion thingy that it's so much fun just griping with other girls that are in the same situation as myself. That being single is fun but sometimes it's good to be in that whole relationship thing just cuz feelings like that can't be bought or traded around-U just feel it. Oh, I am just anticipating the next time I "just feel it" in my knees and in my stomach and in my heart...it's been a while to "feel" that way. Let's be honest, I didnt' get like that with Will...yea, I might have ended up saying I love u at the end too but u'd try anything to keep someone in ur life when u are at that point in ur life that another relationship is ending...dang, I've been tossed around but no more. Another heartbreak would just break me completely.

Today was the PCH bake sale. It was fun having some of my baking skills being displayed and set for others in UCLA to get a taste of. God, this morning was crazy. This old guy came up to our table early in the morning and asked how much one of the rice krispie treats were, "ten cents?" "No, sir, it's 50 cents." "UGHH!!!" and the guy walked away. Later in the afternoon when I came back, the guy had returned. I was sitting on the back of the bench so I sorta hovered over the table. He came up to the table and said to me, "You have nice legs, what is ur name? See, I have glasses and I see u have nice legs." and he walked away. That freaked me out...and after that one of those religioius guys with the newspapers came up to me and said, "Oh my, why don't Blacks and Filipinos get along? We really should..." I cut him off and said, "hey, melvin...what's up" and the guy left. What's up with u people?!?!? U see a girl wearing shorts and a one sleeve shirt that says Filipina Islander and u all go nuts...haha anyways, I declare this night over...for the most part.

Song of the moment: "Now and Forever" JC Chasez f/ Tony Lucca

Lyrics of the moment: look in the blog for the snippet of Brian McKnight's "The Biggest part of me"

Quotes of the moment: "You have nice legs, I can see you have nice legs..." ~Creepy old man
"Yeah, u Selfish bastard!" ~Mike to Melvin during the bake sale
"Oh yea, I'm warmed up...wanna play HORSE again?" George to Moniqua and myself

Mood: In love with love

God, I was soooo hungry today...my stomach growled so loud in atmo this morning...the guy next to me heard it and looked at me funny. I just ate a huge ass lunch: Panda express two item combo-mandarin chicken and orange chicken with chow mein. Chow mein was kinda dry...sauce was somewhat spicy but yummy nonetheless. I feel so fat now...after last nights PCH general meeting I realize that no matter what anyone tells u and how horrifically true it is...ur going to do what u think in ur mind is good for u or actually, what will make u accepted by others. In my case, I tend to eat when I'm depressed and then regret my body size later...though the most excessive thing I've probably done is starve myself a bit and exercise to balance it out...I haven't tried to force myself to throw up or taken laxatives...it has crossed my mind only cuz I hate to hear my own grandmother telling others in our family IN TAGALOG as if I wasn't even there, that she's getting soooo fat. What happened to the girl who played every sport in high school...that makes me sad. I remember my mom use to tell me I was getting fat and then I'd go to my room and probably cry a bit about it. I'm sorta satisfied with the way I look now...I just wish my hips were slimmer...other than that, I'm totally content.

Eddie went back to Berkeley today...I spoke with him a bit last nite. It's crazy how u can barely know someone but feel a deep connection. I'm still amazed how lucky I've been to even meet a guy like Eddie. I understand how it is to be stood up by an ex...haha, story of my life. I thank God that I have a strong shoulder like his to just lean on...Ur great, Eddie! I hope ur trip was a safe one...

Tonight there's a choral practice...but James is not the choral director...richelle is. I'm happy and proud of richelle. She has the fullest plate I've seen out of everyone and yet she still strives for more in her life. However, it's a sad day to say that James is not the one standing by the piano. I'm looking forward to tonight. Hopefully, a certain someone will be there and we'll talk a lil bit more. **wink wink** haha j/p...naw, I just hope I am not drooling over him lol...

I have class to get to...learn more about my culture. We'll see how tonight goes...

Song of the moment: "Lately" Divine and "colors of the wind" Ashanti f/her lil sister

Lately: Have you ever felt a breeze hit your heart
Like the wind was blowing it apart
(Blowing it apart)
Had you spinning like a merry-go-round
Indications of a storm touching ground
I wish that I could weather any storm
But I guess it was a heartbreak from the norm
It was a day that I will always remember
The saddest day in sweet November

Lately (I've been watching you)
Been thinking about you baby
(And everything you do)
Just sittin' away watching the days go by
(Watching the days go by)
Lately (I've been watching you)
Been thinking about you baby
(And everything you do)
Just sittin' away watching the days go by

Baby I'm on my knees
Praying God help me please
Bring my baby back
Right back to me
Oh-uh
If loving you is right
Then I don't wanna go wrong
Instead I drown myself with tears
Sittin' here singing another sad love song

colors of the wind: "You think you own whatever land u land on...the Earth is just some dead thing u can claim. But I know every rock and tree and creature has a life, has a spirit, has a name. U think the only people who are people are people who look and think like u but if u walk the footsteps of a stranger u'll learn things u never knew."

Quote of the moment: "Maganda ka...ur a beautiful young filipina" ~Manong Manny and Robert at the store room at work.

Mood: Mellowed out

Okay...I've had a more somber weekend this weekend...yea, went home...got a call from rose saying that eddie was at ucla =*(...went out only to feel that I was still incomplete...watched DvD's with rose...baked...just thinking at night...I don't know.
Something my dad told me Friday was very confusing to me...made me think whether or not it was good..."I've lost all hope in him...I have finally done so...all my hope is in you now." Encouraging but yet pressuring...makes me think whether or not my dad is just saying that and has given up on me as well before even being given a chance to succeed. I hope not because I need to change my perspective on things...flip the script and realize that Ive been looking at things all wrong...instead of cowering, I gotta hold my head up high...but if my dad doesn't think I can do it...I think I am going to go back to cowering. =*( if u don't know what I mean, ask me, maybe I'll tell u.

I've wasted a day...I think the only good thing I did all day was dress perfectly matched...hahaha I did read a bit for Atmo sci but I ended up chatting with Eddie, Alina, Anthony, Sameer, Jon...yea, I wasted my time with the people I love and care about...totally dismissed all work...lol, I gotta stop that. TMW, I'm gonna crack down a lil harder on myself. Yea, that's it...I don't know what else to say right now...I just don't feel like talking for once.

Song of the moment: "Tell Me" Smilez and South...

Lyrics"Me and Miss thing, we were the perfect team. We had all the things all those other couples dreamed: Love...trust...good sex...and security...if you ever felt weak, smile was ur energy. Trips across seas...show u the finer things. No more burger king, now it's fine dine cuisine. and if we never had it...I don't think it mattered. We was a classic like Nas and illmatic. I was so deceived, I thought we had a thing...u use to blow my two-way up with 143's...L-O-V-E had me blind now I want her to see...to all my friends had her yelling at me. How could u do me so wrong..."

Quote of the moment: "So, whatcha doing at 2 tmw?"~Sameer to anyone on the floor...haha, diversifying his friend selection...lol
"So, Sheena, wanna have lunch with me? Invite ur friends and we'll all have lunch together"~Anthony...lol after the sameer-ryan episode

Mood: I DON'T KNOW!!!! =*(