10/18/02-technically, it's 1:43am on a Saturday morning so it is actually the 19th. But anyways, yea, today's math midterm sucked ass!!! That was a long ass inverse problem...sad thing was, all the time I wasted on that one and I didn't even finish the problem. Bought something for someone but still don't have the balls to say anything to them about it. Oh well, maybe tmw. It's just so interesting when u get bored, u start to think cuz u have all the time in the world to do so. Man, that just sux badly...I do that way too much. But yea, to get my mind off my midterm I went out to 3rd street promenade...OH MAN, SO MANY SALES!!! I actually restricted myself to only one bag. I never do that! All I ended up buying was some dark denim shorts and a red north carolina visor. Those pants at wet seal were soooo nice and soooo cheap...damn, why do I gotta be a fat lil bastard?!?! Diet time so I can fit into my formal dresses for the PUSO Medical gala. We saw Ryan at third st. with his "family", which was actually kinda freaky cuz lately, Ryan pops out of nowhere and scares the shit out of me. LoL. It's all good though anyways, I'm hella tired and I have to start my film paper tmw for sure...ten days away and I'll be 19...YEA, FOR ME! Too bad i can't celebrate it 'til hella later.

Dang, yesterday was so depressing...I wanted to cry so badly. Hahaha, i actually did cry too! But Yea, I'm trying to forget people in my life now that shouldn't matter (*u know who u are*) No one seems to understand the shit going on in my mind. I don't think that anyone can actually understand it just cuz I wanna be the only one feeling like this so it will be my life mission to bring everyone down to my level. haha j/p. I have AIDSWALK coming up this sunday...my first real big project as a PCH director. Bet u I screw up like everything else I do in my life. I have a midterm on friday that I haven't even started studying for yet, go figure! All alone in this freaking world...ugh! I found out a lot of my most closest GUY FRIENDS are fat ass liars...but hey, i should have figured that out from the beginning. It's just sad cuz once someone crosses me, it's hard for me to put forth any effort in actually trying to be friends with them. I really do care about them too but it's sad that they dont' care enough about me to actually be honest with me. Oh well...like i said, i'm doomed to be by myself anyways. At least I know I can rely on Eddie...a truly genuine guy who barely knows me and is actually someone I can communicate easily with. Another friend, who shall remain nameless, seems to always try and be friendly but make his moves on me when I am at a low point.

Song of the moment: "Nobody knows" tony rich project
Quote of the moment: "I would never lie to you, Sheena. I love you." =*(
Mood: LOST!