GOOD times...
It feels good to let go even when you don't want to...even when you can't. Last night brought up some old memories that are better forgotten than remembered only because of the feelings they stirred in me. Seeing Jorge made me question: "where did we go wrong?" I never understood..."what made THEM work?" I will never know...I went to work today but I didn't want to. Thank God Annette wasn't there cuz then I would have been there for hella long and would have never had time to rest before playing tennis today. It feels so good to walk home and unlock the door and just have the apt to myself...it makes me feel whole just cuz I get to be by myself in this place knowing that I pay rent here and the bills and it's mine...I can't believe it still. But yea, I played tennis with Art today for two hours...he's getting better at it. I wish he wouldn't hold back though. It feels so good to just loosen up and smack the ball as hard as you can...it frees so much aggression. I guess that's why I grunt...just give smore UMPH. haha But yea, I saw people moving into the dorms...I got sad. No more 2 south...*sigh* I ran into Anthony on the way back from work. It was great seeing him and talking a bit...*sigh*...2 S unit *sigh*...sadness, man! You don't understand! Last year was amazing...everything changed for me and I haven't stopped to appreciate it yet cuz life keeps thrusting me forward. I'm losing myself in the process...sorta. I just don't know what to say right now...
Art and I went to say what's up to Gary who was helping his sister move into the dorms. We were chillin' for a while and then we flowed over to Roscoe's. Dang, i was hungry...we practically died off of the fatness. But dang, it was hella good!
I wanted to let my friend know something tonight (yea, you...I know ur going through shit...so here's my 2 cents)
II cute boy *u know who you are*:
I could tell you a million things and try to advise you what to do but it won't assuage the feelings you are going through cuz you are going to feel what you feel no matter what. Words are just words unless you are READY to change the present state you are in and I don't think you are ready to. Don't put yourself in the position where you can't be your happy self...the one I know and care about. I hate to see you like this cuz it hurts me too...brings me back to those days when I was in my first break up. The pain, sometimes, I can still feel cuz, like u said, how can the one I love hurt me like that? I can only offer you what has helped me get through things...like NOT reading their journals, NOT listening to sad songs, Going out with friends, get busy with things I've neglected, writing things out like how I do in my blog, play sports...do something other than think about it. Yes, it is good that you are reflecting but do it less often...try to cuz there isn't anything you can do about it right now. Time...yea, as cliche-ish as it sounds...it's all about taking the time to get over it...hurts like a bitch but there's nothing else that'll help besides being able to get out your feelings now. Don't rid yourself of other possibilities cuz ur still hung up on "what was", "now", and "what may still be". I know how it is to get so blinded by these emotions that you don't see you are neglecting responsibilities, friends, family...everything else in your life. "I put on a smile when I'm broken in two..." I still do that too...I don't think that'll change...but you have to admit, when you aren't fakin a smile (you better have when you are with me! ;-)) it feels good to be able to realize that there are other things in life that bring you happiness and it wasn't just her that did it. It can be a slow recovery process or a fast one...it's on you really whether you're willing to start letting go. I hope you are stronger than me in this kind of situation...don't let it get to you that you forget to live your life...don't let things pass you by. No one ever said this relationship shit was going to be easy and yet we still believe it will be once we get into it. It's a lot of work...time passes and things change...nothing gold ever stays. You have so much else going for yourself...enjoy your opportunities! Relationships will come and go...it wasn't meant to be...or maybe it wasn't time. Relax...have fun...and chill! I don't know if this helped any or made anything worse but I'm just letting you know, you aren't the first person to be stuck up in a break up...you got many others *I raise my hand*. Talk it out...don't hold it in...u know I got ur back
Love,
Salt
Something that I thought pertains to you:
"That time of year thou mayst in me behold
When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang
Upon those boughs which shake against the cold,
Bare ruined choirs, where late the sweet birds sang.
In me thou seest the twilight of such day
As after sunset fadeth in the west;
Which by and by black night doth take away,
Death's second self that seals up all in rest.
In me thou seest the glowing of such fire
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
COnsumed with that which it was nourished by.
This though perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong,
To love that well, which thou must leave ere long.
But be contented; when that fell arrest
Without all bail shall carry me away,
My life hath in this line some intnerest,
Which for memorial still with thee shall stay.
When thou reviewst this, thou dost review
The very part was consecrate to thee.
The earth can have but earth, which is his due;
My spirit is thine, the better part of me.
So then thou hast but lost the dregs of life,
The prey of worms, my body being dead,
The coward conquest of a wretch's knife,
Too base of thee to be remembered.
The worth of that is that which it contains,
And that is this, and t his with thee remains."
~William Shakespeare, Sonnets 73 and 74
"When the road gets dark and u can no longer see...just let my love grow a spark and have a lil faith in me...when the tears u cry are all u can believe just give these loving arms a try and have a lil faith in me...and have a lil faith in me...and have a lil faith in me...and have a lil faith in me...and have a lil faith in me..."
~I got your back!
