According to Okcupid.com, I am...
The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)
Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?
Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.
Your exact opposite:
Genghis Khunt
Random Brutal Sex Master
Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.
You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.
ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth
CONSIDER: The Loverboy
If u want to visit the actual result page: The Sonnet
anyways, here's the deal with what went down today. I had an awful game...we were up too...I just wasn't there. I don't know what it was, but tonight I couldn't concentrate...my shots were straight...my drives were good but I just wasn't there. I'm scared about my tonsils...they're starting to hurt and my dad sux when it comes to me telling him that I have some health problem...it's like my health doesn't matter. I want to cry right now cuz I just don't feel like being here...I wanna feel safe right now and I don't feel safe right here and right now...PLEASE HELP ME! I feel like crying...taking a bath...sleeping...shopping...I just want to go away...
An excerpt from Jonny Ngo's page:
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
[ w a l k i n g i n c i r c l e s ]
can you still be lost... when you have no destination?
or do you have to be going somewhere... to be lost?
i think i'm lost... but i don't know why... i don't seem to be going anywhere... just in circles maybe...
is it a place that i want to go towards... or a person?
................
my phone hasn't been working all week... it was so frustrating... a defective phone... haha... so duyen helped me out... went through some forums on how to fix... and do you know what is said to do to fix it?
it said... bang the phone hard... haha.. so i tried it... and now my phone works...
silly, huh?
................
i'm a picky guy... i admit it... but why would i ever settle for anything... why would anyone? life is about wanting to be with the person you want to be with... yea... it takes time... and yea... it's hard... but anything worth having is hard... and that is what makes it so great to have...
i don't know how anyone could just be with someone, just because they're comfortable... why put yourself through that... time is precious... why use it up on someone you're not happy with... every moment, every minute should be a minute you cherish forever... why waste that moment... because you're never going to get it back...
i don't know how anyone could just be okay with how things are... and just letting it be that way it is... so you let the person you care about do whatever they want... so you put your needs aside... because you don't want to lose... but sometimes, some things are not worth winning... sometimes... you become the bigger person by just walking away...
me... i would never settle... for anything...
i don't mind falling face first... yea... it might hurt... but i'm sure that one time, i'll fall, and you'll be there to catch me...
................
flash from the past... angel of love...
i drew this picture my freshman year of high school... which would've made it back in... ummm... 94... in my homeroom... took me over a week to draw it... the girl was just a made up girl... the face was based on some magazine model i found... wow... that makes it 10 years ago... it's been awhile... haha. i actually wrote the poem before that... i wrote the poem in 93, after my first girlfriend and i broke up... after 8 days... first girl i've held hands with... my first kiss... first week of high school for me... haha... yea... it was an interesting first week of school...
this picture is actually... about 4 feet tall... maybe even a little bigger... made with prisma colors... so it's not a pencil sketch... it was actually done in color... i'm sorry i don't have the original or a color version of it anymore... after i finished it... there was this girl in the journalism lab (i was always there because my sister was editor of the paper before i took over), crying about a broken heart... and she told my sister that she loves my drawings... well, when i saw her cry, i gave her that picture... saw her smile... made my day... and this copy is all i have left of it...
see... i never ever keep any of my old drawings... cause to me... i don't draw for myself... it's like everything else i do... i do it to make people happy... smile... to change a person's day... that is the best feeling in the world...
that... and hugs... i'm addicted to hugs...
well. hope you like the backstory... if you want to know anything about my drawings... just ask... i don't mind telling you the story behind it all...
So...
...does it hurt?
I mean, does it hurt you when you want something so badly but all you can do is view it in plain sight and never touch...never get close to it...never be able to possess that dream.
I feel like I'm partly possessing a long over due dream...one that people say that I've been in waiting for...one that I've deserved so long ago but never received. The times I thought I was in love in the past were nothing compared to now...I'm in this for real and it is scary. I never really know what tomorrow holds...what will be said...what will be done...what will be heard. Everything is out of my hands and like everything else, I gotta roll with it. Take it as it comes even though I don't like it. The more I think about it, the more I realize that giving up my blogger for forty days would probably be the hardest thing to do. Perhaps I should start writing in it everyday again...maybe it'll help take away some of my worries. It's not hard to want anymore...it's harder to stop wanting...so much of my ramblings mean nothing to everyone but the it means the world to me. I can't help but look back on my writings from last year and realize that I was in a different place then...wanting different things and going about it different ways...
Entry I made a year ago today: Sunday, March 02, 2003 :::
Well, I survived Friday night...Saturday til today also...haha, sooo sleep deprived. But I think I feel fine now! I am sorta happy right now...I shouldn't be. I should be panicking my lil ass off...my paper, my clases, my fafsa...yea...oh gosh, so can't believe it! LoL Lent is coming up and I think I have it figured out what I'm giving up and what I am working towards keeping going in my life. But yea, let me tell u about Friday night and Saturday and Sunday...haha cuz these days seemed so continous that I don't think they were three separate days. Friday night I ended up going to the Samahang meeting cuz PCH was co-facilitating. Yup, gone for support cuz yea...I'm such a bad director. But for sure, next quarter, I will have a clubsite!!!! Oh man...this is sad for me. I know next year that I am not going to do a directorship...at the least I will do staff like recruitment. That is more along the lines of my genre cuz I'm more of a planner...having so much responsibility of this fundraiser and awareness...I love it and all but I'm sorry, I'm a fun aspect kind of person to gain some closeness.
Anyways, after the meeting I went to the UCLA Band Nite at Kerckhoff and it was cool. Long was a really good artist. He had the voice of the Creed lead singer and the guitar/song style of John Mayer so he was awesome. Grizzly Peak was awesome once again...it was cool cuz when we left the lead singer said sup and thanx for coming. hahaha
Saturday morning yea, that was cool going w/moniqua and Alina to the Women's conference thing. haha u know what I noticed that everytime I go to a christian thing they always hug u...haha no matter whether or not they know u. haha but dang they had some moving speakers. BJ Foster was excellent. Her story just made me think so much about myself right now and where I am at in my life. Who I am and am not pursuing...or what I am and am not pursuing...u know? haha Like I said before clarification right now...cuz u know, that's how it goes!
Oh yea, well...I did random things on Saturday...tried to get some sleep but roomies were waking my ass up every 45 mins on the dot...haha like it was planned. Well I started doing laundry at around 7:30...I got a call from George at around 9...he had gone out to dinner w/his older sis *yea isn't that cute and sweet?* George and I were suppose to go to Hollywood video later on that night. He wanted to know if I was down to go w/his Sis and his old roomie to get boba and then we could just get our rentals afterwards...I said I was doing laundry but yea...Rose ended up doin it for me and I went out w/em. His sister is really cool! She's very sweet and kind...easy to talk to. She's 31 but she doesn't look like it at all...late 20's at the least but not the 30's. She was a Phy Sci major when she came to UCLA back in the early 90's. She's a consultant right now...which is cool. I met George's old apt roomie, Joseph too. He was very friendly too...I noticed how close all three of them were. It was nice to see that...u learn something new everyday. I find it awesome how they connect so well. We went to Haagen Daz...first time I've been there. It was cool...his sis treated us all out which was real nice of her cuz if u think about it, she just met me. But yea...YUMMY ICE CREAM! We went to Hollywood video after that. I rented My Big Fat Greek Wedding...that was a cute movie. It stays true to the fact if u change Greek to Filipino it does work. Haha...WINDEX!!! haha Cute, very cute. I ran into Susan from the Women's Conference...she was there w/her bf making him buy her some Swedish fish. Yea, when all four of us was walking back to the car...it was cute cuz they were talking about Alias. I've never seen it but just listening to them reminds me of my friends and I when we talk about like Smallville or Friends...they were so cute as if it was reality. I couldn't help but smile and think in my mind, "God, thanx for letting me witness this tonight...helps me appreciate the lil things." It was weird cuz I swear someone could see the glow on my face or at least in my eyes. *sigh* haha corny but true. Well, yea...afterwards me and George were trying to go to the Dance marathon to see ACA hip hop perform but we missed it cuz we didn't know that moraling cost 15 but yea...we ended up going a lil later. I stopped at his room to drop off the thing I made last week when I was down. It was a curious george burping pad...white towelish thing w/blue/green lining. Curious george was at the bottom standing on top of the world. I wrote in blue puffy paints "Remember that you'll always have the world at your feet" That was so encouraging to see last weekend when I was sooooo out of it...over reacting and being over emotional. I changed the packaging so it read Kyurious George...I brought two lil See's Chocolates for his sister to his room last nite too...I felt bad cuz I woke her up. George and I talked for a while in the hall and then decided to go to the Dance marathon...we found out admission was 5 bux. Haha he was wearing the funkiest blue hawaiian button up shirt. Yea, it was fun...hard to dance w/him because boy can't freak someone he knows, apparently. I mean, why have a problem w/it? Girls do it w/each other all the time cuz it doesn't matter, it's just dancing. I mean not like I was gonna bite him or anything...lol. Yea, we tried a couple times but I never do it at the right pace and each guy does it a lil differently. Some grind and some sway...some just do their own lil thing. But yea, that was fun. I ended up working my shift later on that night at 3...I only had like probably 15 to 20 mins of sleep before Ieft. I was knocking out by 6 or so...Grizzly Peak rejuvinated me but only for a short while. Trevor, I felt bad for cuz there I was getting all cozy w/some pillows on the floor and he was having to stand up the whole time...no resting. Yea...I left around 8 or so...I ate and watched part of My big fat greek wedding hoping that food coma would hit sooner or later and it did. It was good...until rose called around 12...went to brunch all grudgy. I watched the movie again w/aiza afterwards and then I snoozed til 6:50...got ready for church. Minh was there at church...haha cuz of a girl! that was funny. Yea, and now here I am...sitting at my desk writing this instead of my paper. I'm tired but I'm gonna start it tonight and then finish it for sure tmw!!! Aiyah!
As for right now, my mind set is all great...just exhausted. I'm content w/things cuz u know what, maybe it's better this way. Like I said, if things fall into place then that's how it goes...but haha yea, I'm waiting for things to fall into place or at least make a lil more sense. haha *stares into ur eyes*
Song of the moment: "No Greater Love" Rachel Lampa
Song Lyrics: "Before I knew Your Name,
You knew my ev’ry breath.
Before I found my way,
You knew my ev’ry step.
Before I knew everything that I need,
You gave it all to me.
No greater love than this…
That You should lay down Your life
For someone such as me;
I’d spend a lifetime wondering why.
The Beauty of Heaven
Is here in my heart
And I know there can be
No greater love than this.
I never understood
How merciful Love could be,
Until I felt His Flame
Light every part of me
And I would give everything that I am
’Cause I have been saved;
Yes, I have been saved!
No greater love than this…
That You should lay down Your life
For someone such as me;
I’d spend a lifetime wondering why.
The Beauty of Heaven
Is here in my heart
And I know there can be
No greater love.
Oh, oh oh, oh oh, woah…
The Beauty of Heaven
Is here in my heart
And I know there can be
No greater love...
For someone such as me.
No greater love...than this."
Mood: Can't remove this smile from my face =P
Friday, february 28, 2003
Tonight was girls night out...yea, Chris and I went to C&O's in Marina Del Rey. If u ever get the chance, flow down there and try the garlic bread balls...TO DIE FOR! The price is right, the ambiance is magnificent, the night sky hovering above u in all it's beauty and glory...I couldn't ask for anything more. Sitting by the fountain, talking to the host and the waiters...singing "That's Amore" out loud w/the rest of the restaurant...dang, i loved it! It was such a date place or family place to go. It was great...Chris and I talked about our plans for San Fran. I'm taking my car up and it'll be the ultimate experience! I can't wait...
Well afterwards Chris and I went out w/her other friend Mable...she is totally pretty! I was so jealous...anyway i fake ID'd my way into "The Gig", some small hole in the wall bar off of Melrose. Yea, bad Sheena...can't believe my goody-two-shoes ass did that. But the bands sucked...but they were cute...drunk ass Brendon was hitting on me...Clayton was sorta but he was just fun to be around. We got to go backstage and shit...hella tight. It's like 2:09 am and I'm still up...what an idiot I am!
But yea...AsnGirLiE1 (1:35:22 AM): omg, sheena are you pregnant?!
What the heck? yea, Suzanne had a dream where her phone rang and it was me and I told her, "Suzanne, my water just broke." ahha that's a scary thought...I'm too young to have a kid...but yea, that's crazy
Eddie's blog from 2/18-"Anyway, I realized something today. I realized that you can’t always put too much trust into people. Trust is a very funny thing. You learn to trust someone and accept that that person would always be the same. However, I now have come to grasp that trust is another form of expectations. When you trust someone, not only are you believing in what that person says and does, you are setting up a form of expectation. An expectation such that that particular person will act in a particular way. And I think you can have expectations because sometimes that person will not be the same person you thought they were."
Yea, that got me thinking...trust is another form of expectation...u think it'd be a given but it isn't. Trust is something I believe everyone has but once u break that trust w/me, it's something u have to earn back. I've been thru all that before....*sigh*
ToTL Pinay (1:53:01 AM): u think most guys or all guys are insecure about being in a relationship or relationships in general?
ToTL Pinay (1:54:43 AM): guess u don't know...it's kewl, my friend signed off
kyuriousG (1:58:47 AM): sorry... dealing with some drama over here
ToTL Pinay (1:58:55 AM): oh it's okay
ToTL Pinay (1:58:57 AM): do ur thang
ToTL Pinay (1:59:07 AM): I got my own shit...
kyuriousG (1:59:17 AM): i can answer if u want
ToTL Pinay (1:59:29 AM): when ur done w/ur drama
kyuriousG (1:59:34 AM): all guys are to some extent
ToTL Pinay (1:59:46 AM): is there a particular reason?
ToTL Pinay (1:59:51 AM): or u guys all just assholes
kyuriousG (2:00:29 AM): why they're insecure?
ToTL Pinay (2:00:35 AM): yea
kyuriousG (2:01:40 AM): cuz most guys aren't ready
ToTL Pinay (2:02:09 AM): but doesn't everyone feel that way?
kyuriousG (2:02:09 AM): i think everyone want to enjoy college and meet people
kyuriousG (2:02:13 AM): yea
I guess the thing that I should have asked was basically...y don't guys know what they want from a girl? It's so odd...u think they want ya but they start trippin and acting like they don't. I hate that...fooling w/people's hearts...that aint' kewl! But yea...I should get to bed...I gotta be somewhere at 8 tmw morning.
Mood: exhausted
Anyways, long entry...all about nothing. I'm going to go tend to my floor burns...ARGH!
