I feel alone and I'm surrounded by everyone

I'm gonna speak so loud and clearly...I'm gonna aim staight for your head...

Words hit you like no others and that's why I wait to read yours...for now, I read the words of the immortal soul, Tupac Shakur. Who cares if he lived a thug life...at least he lived...and his words prove it. He can only set an example for those who are scared to believe.

And 2morrow

Today is filled with anger
Fuled with hidden hate
Scared of being outcast
Afraid of common fate
Today is built on tragedies
which no one wants 2 face
Nightmares 2 humanities
and morally disgraced
Tonight is filled with rage
Violence in the air
Children bred with ruthlessness
Because no one at home cares
Tonight I lay my head down but the pressure never stops
gnawing at my sanity
content when I am dropped
But 2morrow I c change
A chance 2 build anew
Built on spirit, intent of heart
and ideals based on truth
And 2morrow I wake with second wind
And strong because of pride
2 know I fought with all my heart 2 keep my dream alive

I debate if actions speak louder than words...I believe they are equal in strength and that is why many of you contradict yourselves...and I get hurt in the process. I blame myself at times cuz I hold u guys too high as if u are above me...and many of u are...but the way u treat me sometimes, it's as if u are below me...I question whether or not I should try at all when it's a losing battle on my side. Just let me know now if I should give up or pursue...whether or not I should REGRET the past or Relive...Give me a reason...any reason...give me a reason to try

Auto response from gen0thepizzaman: Is it right that I feel this way??? :'(

I'm tired and I just...I don't know, I feel alone right now...

gen0thepizzaman: (i wasnt finished sorry again)
im sorry, i left you a msg on your cell, 626 215 2602, i hope its right, this comes from my heart,
"Of all people I care about I can't believe I forgot your birthday, of all people to hurt, it was you. I am truly sorry, this pain I fell hurts but it doesn't compare to the pain I know I've caused you, you know I would risk my life before I hurt you, and for this I am truly sorry."

Song of the moment: if u love me by jamie foxx

Mood: Wanting more than u are willing to give

Thursday, October 30, 2003

When emotion hits...there is nothing you can do about it but feel that way...

Since blogger is down tonight I decided I might as well make an entry in this here xanga of mine. I just needed to vent a lil since I have two midterms today and I am completely unprepared for both of them...it's what I get for thinking about other things for too long.

We choose to acknowledge or to ignore...

I choose to REGRET...

Sometimes feelings just happen regardless of the reasons...good or not...instantaneously, emotion hits and even when things are out in the open...u can't change how u felt or still feel

I'm sorry but YOU made me feel more insignificant today...and I know u didn't mean to but u did. 20 is not a celebrative kind of age...ur no longer a teen but ur not really able to do anything else as an adult...ur just stuck. I feel insignificant and the fact that u didn't say happy birthday was just...i don't know, a blow to the heart. I'm taking this to the extreme but I felt double dissed when u didn't reply and that made my day even worse...it's bad enough I have to study for two midterms today but to be dissed by YOU...of all people...I know things came up but then I don't know...it doesn't change how I felt...I do still feel REGRETFUL...and right now, nothing is changing that. I just realized that it's nearing two weeks since I wrote u a letter...now I feel like an ass...next time I'll hold in what I have to say...

Song of the moment: Everything by Lifehouse

Mood: Regret...and disappointment...and sadness

Happy Birthday, TO ME!

even though i wasn't really able to celebrate it today...it turned out okay...thanx everyone for making today a lil out of the ordinary...

Aiz: HaPPy BirtHday

sideoned: habby birthday

oddx2: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEENA!

rosie jaojung: happy birthday dork!

ange1baby9: HAPPY BIRTHDAY FOOL!
ange1baby9: i mean HAPPY BIRTHDAY SLUT!
ange1baby9: too bad i can't sock you, but i hope someone will
ange1baby9: heheh...have fun!

Lioku: Happy Birthday SHeena!!
Lioku: noOO i'm so unoriginal
Lioku: ok pretend i didn't say that earlier
Lioku: here it comes..
Lioku: HAPPY THE DAY IN THE YEAR YOU WERE BORN SHEENA!!! ::HugS::

pLfFt: IIII didn't get to IM u a happy birthday !
pLfFt: :-(
pLfFt: so..
pLfFt: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHEENA!!
pLfFt: :-P:-D8-):-);-)

F l i P BiZ kiT: arf!

Auto response from F l i P BiZ kiT: Aiz: HaPPy BirtHday
sideoned: habby birthday
oddx2: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEENA!
rosie jaojung: happy birthday dork!

Happy bday, Karla!

F l i P BiZ kiT: its your bday today?
F l i P BiZ kiT: =-O
F l i P BiZ kiT: YOUZ A OLD!
F l i P BiZ kiT: did i say happy birthday already?

Auto response from F l i P BiZ kiT: Aiz: HaPPy BirtHday
sideoned: habby birthday
oddx2: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEENA!
rosie jaojung: happy birthday dork!

Happy bday, Karla!

F l i P BiZ kiT: i think i did
F l i P BiZ kiT: well HAPPY BIRTHDAY...
F l i P BiZ kiT: hehe
F l i P BiZ kiT: muah!

TRUgurl13181: Hey Happy Birthday Sheena!!! Sorry we can't do anything for your birthday but call me up when your in OC and we can do something. Love ya and miss ya girl!!!

KrypL: happy b-day girlfriend
Auto response from KrypL: Aiz: HaPPy BirtHday
sideoned: habby birthday
oddx2: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEENA!
rosie jaojung: happy birthday dork!

Happy bday, Karla!
ToTL Pinay: hi, who is this

trevo says: HAAPY BIRTHDAY

pinoy bruin: Sheena
pinoy bruin: Sorry I didn't go to the social
pinoy bruin: but anywho...I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!

"By God, in erthe I was his purgatorie..."

Didn't think Chaucer could embody my thoughts but everytime I read Wife of Bathe's Tale I find something new and interesting to think about.

Anyways, I'm slowly taking that step FORWARD...creeping forth with hesitance but I am at least making an attempt to move on. I've been a zombie lately; walking around with blinders on not seeing the forest for the trees. My old habits have played a small role...I'm playing a character once again...I'm not being me. I keep holding back and I'm sort of tired of it...I said sort of meaning I'm doubtful and worried. I don't want to put myself out there if the outcome won't be good. Everything is so overwhelming right now...what am I suppose to do...

What can I do?

I've been thinkin about my party...and about the gala...how much money I'm gonna spend and just who should I ask...Well I know who i want to ask but do i have enough courage to ask him. Would he say yes...*sigh* I wish he would...I guess I'll get my answer this week. I hope...maybe...by God's loving grace...somehow...LOL

Something I wrote a couple weeks ago during class...When the shit hits...it hits hard

II whom this may pertain to,
It's been quite a while since I have written to you...maybe ever about you. My hectic life has kept me away from everything lately and I feel I have neglected you...everyone as well. I've been trying to shut out everyone cuz I've been unable to handle "events" as of late. My means of becoming undone, I simply cannot take care of. I cry and I wish you were here to hold me in your arms and say, "Dahan na...wag ka mag allala." I miss hearing it...even you're esteem-breaking comments. My strength is diminishing and I'm worried that I'm beginning to forget. I'm not completely but it's becoming harder to remember. I'm sure you know what I've been up to but do iI know what's going on with you? No...no...no...
I wish you could help me figure out what to do in these "situations" I am in. My cries are heard but its as if no one can reach me. Absolutely no one...The other night I sat alone in the darkness weeping. I locked myself up and I isolated myself so no one could help me cuz no one could. I wanted to feel the pain escape me. I wanted the emptiness to grow...I wanted every drop to fall so I wouldn't have anything left to cry...I wanted peace and slumber to hit me abruptly. I wanted to be shocked into another world. I wanted to disappear. You held me together though you weren't there. I felt your presence. I can't walk into the room and see you sitting there like I use to...cuz the powers that be won't allow it. He/They...seperated us and now I can't reach you.

Song of the moment: Cherish by Brian Mcknight

Cherish her love...show her she's right where she belongs...take care of her heart...before she's gone...she's gone away

Mood: Schweepie with a side of "midterms suck ass"

Does it scare u when I show up in ur dreams?

This weekend gave me some insights on the guys in my life right now...said goodbye to one on Thursday night (I think)...may have said hello to one on saturday...what the hell am I doing??? I'm straying again from the real things. You'd think I learn but I don't...I'll never learn...why you ask...cuz I want what I can't have

...

YOU

Yea...yea...I'm so lost

...without you...???...

I don't know but this week has to be different...I want it to be different...fine, it will be different

A day til my birthday...who will remember?

Song of the moment: Through the wire by Kanye West

Mood: tired...fall back...spring forward...whatever, the time may have changed but it didn't change me...