School...I dread it...

I use to look forward to everyday but now, getting up in the morning is just getting so damn tedious. I went home yesterday for a bit and my dad asked me if I was doing anything this coming November. I thought about it and replied, nope...probably not doing anything. Damn...no school...then I thought about it some more, what am I gonna be doing?

Dad: "You want to go to the Philippines?"

Whoa...I've never been to the Philippines...never ever ever ever. I was suppose to go after I graduated High school to go visit my mom's mom and stuff but shiz happened...Lola died February of my Senior year...Hard times...then my mom dies in December...more hard times. I don't know my mom's side really well. I know Uncle Leo in Virginia and Kuya Butch in NY. Then there are those cousins, I guess, that I started writing to after mommy died. But yeah...I don't know much about the PI. I've taken classes and classes and classes but that doesn't tell u anythin more than what I already know about it: poverty stricken, corruption, americanized...etc etc. I don't know what I'm suppose to expect. I know the weather gets really crazy...I'm not so good with that. I get nose bleeds awfully easily when it comes to heat or humidity. Dang, I think I'm gonna be in over my head with this. But I wanna go, to at least say I've been "Home" once.

It's awfully scary that supposedly by this time next year I should have a job or something. Trying to find my own means of living. Dang, SUX...I wish I did so much more in College...I guess a lot of people feel that way. I wish I could go back to High School...where people knew me and I knew I was sitting on top...at UCLA, I'm still an unknown face...well, I think so but apparently to some people that isn't true. I wish I played college sports...what if I did take that track offer at Claremont? Scripts or mckenna or whatever it's called...

I wonder if I ever did get a tennis scholarship or something if I would've gone else where...u see, UCLA has been my dream school since I was 9. It was my first college campus and I knew it as the BEST IN SO CAL...u know, close to home and stuff. My parents knew it as the best too...We are an LA based Family...go for the lakers *sometimes the Clips when the Lakers ain't playing*, Go Dodgers *Angels, okay too*, we loved the raiders...dang, but no football here anymore...I don't think we're really Charger fans right now...Hockey, well, we don't really watch it, too violent but we like the Kings *No, not the damn Sac Queens*...I personally don't watch soccer but the galaxy are cool...yeah, u get my point

I only knew UCLA...I only knew the Lakers...growing up...I knew who Jordan was...I rocked the shoes, I rocked the jersey...my dad loved Magic...so I rocked his jersey too...then My bro showed me Eddie Jones...he use to be so awesome...he still is to me...but dang, these youngins these days can run...My bro is still hardcore as ever with J. My dad, he's just a Laker fan now...disappointed lately in the team's play but who isn't. I...well, I have my key players...I'm still and Laker girl at heart...still remember when I was small, dancing and stuff, use to want to be a laker girl. My mom thought I was serious too...dancing and sports and all...

when I was born, I was so wild that they almost dropped me....the nurse turns to my mom and says "your girl is so wild. She'll probably be in the Olympics some day." Well she said something along the lines of wild, it was in tagalog. Yeah...my mom knew I was headed for big things...or at least hoped for them...

I'm graduating college in June, well walking...

where are the big things???

I keep thinking...thinking about how things have gone in the past couple of months...interesting...fun..sad...happy...crazy...chaotic. I don't know but I've been thinking a lot lately...I wish someone could help me sort out my life and do the hard stuff. Well, I guess everyone feels like that. *sigh*