I don't know why I hurt the ones I love...it's a stupid habit of mine where I like to make stupid comments to make others seem inferior to me but in the end I'm the one who gets stepped on...

I'm an idiot...please help me

When I met you, I wasn't planning on falling in love...

I found the perfect something for someone's gift...found today while I was at the student store browsing the many unnecessary items I don't need. I thought to myself what can I possibly do to make him feel different...to make him see how much I care...then I realized I can't do anything really.

I've been thinking...hehe which is never a good thing...been thinking how everything is so much clearer to me through someone else's eyes and how I wish I were them so I can actually understand more about what they believe. I want so much more...then what life gives to me...I want more than I deserve. One day, in my dreams or in reality (whichever comes first), I hope to be more than just happy...I want to be happy and content...and if I'm really lucky--happy, content, and loved). I'm not saying I'm not ha[[y or anything or that I'm not loved it's just I still feel something missing in my life...something that's so crucial that nothing will ever be "right". Maybe it's my mom...maybe it's being totally honest with my dad. Perhaps I'm scared that I will never accept Ron's past. Maybe I'm just scared of a happy ending...maybe I'm scared I'll never be one of the lucky ones...I don't know...don't know...don't know.

I want to know...

Song of the moment: "Slow jams" Twista ft. Kanye West and Jamie Foxx

"She gots a light skinned friend looks like Michael Jackson. She gots a dark skinned friend looks like Michael Jackson.

Mood: FUNKY!!!...worrying over nothing, I guess

I keep holding on...

excerpt from Jonny Ngo's page...feel the words, don't just read them:

[ f o r e v e r i n m y m e m o r y ]


people may not remember exactly what you did or what you said,
but they will always remember how you made them feel.

it's funny how a glance from the corner of your eye can be kept forever in your memory...
how one moment of being a foot away from a complete stranger could be considered one foot too far...

i think i have a select memory... i can remember the slightest details of the silliest things... too bad it's hard for me to apply it to school... but thinking about it now... maybe the reason why i remember these things is the way i feel when it happens...

how could you ever forget about a beauty that takes your breath away...
so how could i ever forget about you...

................

do you believe in love at first sight?

i do...

not attraction at first sight... but love. the difference is... to see someone with your eyes is to be attracted... you have to see them with your heart...

so how do you see someone with your heart? well... close your eyes... and think about that person... if all you can picture is their face... body... then it is attraction... if you close your eyes and see the way they talk... the way they move... the way they make you smile... their little imperfections that make them perfect...

then anything is possible...

i dunno... i think i'm a good judge of character... the best trait of anyone... is their heart... a beautiful heart is the most attractive thing possible...

................

but physical attraction does make things more fun... hehe.
but then you'll have to deal with the whole jealousy, trust issue... and that can go on forever...
------------------------------------------------------------------
[ m y p o c k e t a n g e l ]


i'm addicted to hugs...

...............

i've fallen in love...
what should i do...
it hurts so much...
but i want to keep on hurting...

................

my pocket angel...

i want to catch you...
and then put you in my pocket...
and take you out whenever i feel sad...

then i could never be sad...

................

have you ever fallen in love...
tell me about your first time...

as for me...
i hope my first time starts with you and i...

................

the days are so precious...

................

you thought no one cares... i guess you forgot about me... because you know that i will always care... always...

I'm still searching for that dream...that one living dream. It's nice to live out of our world every once in a while; fulfilling fantasies that were never thought to be reachable. Putting aside the doubts, the worries, and the disappointments and just living. Who cares what tmw brings or what is instore in five minutes...why is it so difficult for me to live in the now? I am always looking for more even when I have enough right in front of me. I guess I was taught to want more, to constantly desire for the best and not settle for just average. I won't forget the moments that matter; I hope you do the same. I remember EVERYTHIN because every moment with you should be remembered: the good, the bad, and the ugly. CHERISH...LOVED...ALWAYS. U don't believe me and that's okay...I know what I feel even if it can get cloudy and unclear at times, I always figure it out in the end.

Do u ever see things in slow motion and then everything in fast forward? It's crazy...I imagine u slowly turning towards me and before your eyes can set upon mine I catch a glimpse of that smile...those eyes...that face I adore so much. When ur eyes meet mine, my heart smiles...I smile. The quickened pitter patter of my over excited heart (can u blame it?). I fight every part of myself from running to u and overwhelming u with hugs and kisses cuz I don't want u to know how much I care...not yet. Not quite the weakness in the knees as I expected but more of a grip of butterflies in my tummy. FLITTER...damn, butterflies. You reach out for me and I realize you're not a dream...you were never a dream. You were always real...with me. Bite your tongue, Sheena. Don't let this one go...what's wrong with you! Put the shit aside, Sheena...you're not in Kansas anymore. Take it one moment and a time and everything will be fine...Love will guide you.

Come with me...

I had a long drive home today after dropping off Ron. I love him like mad crazy but I'm seriously worn out from driving back and forth and just everything. I need sleep...I seriously need to take one day and just go to sleep...I'm behind in my work...I'm just not here lately...Oh well...I have to prioritize a lil better.

i have a midterm tmw...EEK! HELP!!!

Song of the moment: Come with me by (pick a version) Shai, Pinay, Deviation

Mood: schweepie...mad schweepie