SO here is the goal for spring break: forget the past, all the worries, the life I have right now...start out new and just have fun....go buckwild in san fran and not worry about all the consequences. No, I haven't gone crazy...I'm just saying let loose more isn't going to be so bad...I just don't wanna be such a goody-two shoes this break. Last spring break I went to vegas with mai and some friends...or people I had just met that night...yea, it was weird...but it was only for the night...falling asleep on a stranger that night...just getting up and leaving without a whim. That was a good time for me...then two days later I go to SD with lyn and mai...we take off like it was nothing with lyn's friend, Mike. Yea, I ended up staying and not going to rosarito but I didn't care...I wasn't down for the drink ing at the time...or going to a another country for that matter. I ended up going out with Mike, the ex, that week too...a lot memories flooded back to me that day with him but that was all it was...the past memories-there lay no future for us though it seemed we tried this past summer. Good summer but um, too late. This spring break I'm out on my own...road trip to san fran w/ chris...this is going to be awesome!!!! I can't wait...A place where people still find me mysterious...lol, this is going to be fun. I know my limits people...don't think I don't...just so much to do, such lil time! *sigh* Oh man...I need to get away from here now...the avoiding thing maybe a good thing for me...or the hardest thin...we'll see what happens...Phone is always on...we'll see if the silence is louder than its ring this spring break. I hope not...I'll fighting off the dialing!

Song of the moment: "one mile from paradise" keith martin

mood: waiting for some answers...

So yea...I didn't sleep monday night...I pulled a true all-nighter for the Com. Stud final...I think I did alright...I hope I get a good grade. I think the final I am actually worried about is the final that I shouldn't be worried about-Atmo Sci...okay, so yea...I only need 40 points to pass but still...nothing is never guaranteed, right? I don't know if it was worth it...I mean, what I did instead of studying cuz now it leaves a lil discrepency in the air-does this change anything? I know I said it doesn't but then again, doesn't it change things? I hope it doesn't cause any "weirdness" only because I still wanna hang with u...I don't know what to think anymore. I'm confused...I'm questioning myself and what I do feel...shoot, do I like u that way??? Aiyah...perhaps I got myself in a heavy bind that is definitely inexscapable...well, inexscapable if nothing is talked about...=$...what happens if it does change things and u can never look at me the same, never act the same, never just be the same...I would hate that...and if that is the case, perhaps it was wrong to have happened. =*(...I hate myself to admitting that I liked it without knowing if it changes things, better or for worse...I guess I shouldn't dwell on something when perhaps it was a one time thing. But can u blame me for reading into this? I don't know...I'm more confused now than ever...enlight of todays' recollectiong, I feel very lost...I remembered things that has put me in this solitude...shackles...complete chastity at times only cuz of its harm...I wanna tell u only cuz I find comfort in u...if that's gone now, I wouldn't stand to get to know new people again cuz apparently I always mess that up somehow. Maybe I just need sleep...any clarification...I went out today with a friend and though we had fun times, it didn't solve anything for me...I just saw that I was running away from my problems once again and not facing them...but can I face u? I don't know...what have I got myself into???

Song of the moment: "when you think about me" One voice

"Do u think about me? Do u think about us? Falling in love? Do u wanna get with me with me with me..."
...a song me and Chrisma might perform...is this fitting for my conundrum right now?

Mood: confused...

Today's my first final for winter quarter...SCARY!!! I need to do well...and I gotta focus...I'm so sleepy though! Ugh...WAKE UP, SHEENA!!!
*slaps her own face* ...no use, me sleepy! I got the big final for the major class tmw...GOD HELP ME! Searching for your love and strength right now...fill my heart with them.

Song of the moment: "Moment in time" Keith Martin

Lyrics: "No matter how feelings change...They'll remain the same...I'm right here by ur side...on me u can confide...askin' heaven above for u to know no lie...if u just look close deep inside u'll find that our love will never hide...just keep this in mind...it's only a moment in time...if no one else believes in u don't look no further, u know I do...just keep this in mind...it's only a moment in time

Mood: tired and scared

She was only 17...pretty young it seems...for her dreams deceived...She was eager in love, it showed...everybody knows...how the story was told...but it changed...she didn't know he'd need her so she walked away when she should have stayed...she was only one mile from paradise...she was only one mile away...she was only one mile from paradise...love was right but it did not last...he slipped away...the pain of losing was much to bare...she should have showed how much she cared...I would have given my life for her love but I'm too far away from her foreign touch...with all my heart, convinced her I tried...but she walked away when she should have stayed...she was only one mile from paradise...she was only one mile away...she was only one mile from paradise...love was right but it did not last...he slipped away...she was only one mile from paradise...she was only one mile away...she was only one mile from paradise...love was right but it did not last...he slipped away away away away...she was only one mile from paradise...she was only one mile away...she was only one mile from paradise...love was right but it did not last...he slipped away away away...she was only one mile from paradise...she was only one mile away...she was only one mile from paradise...love was right but it did not last...he slipped away away away away...awwwwaaayyyy

That song is really getting to me...*sigh*