Dead Like Me...

Have you ever seen an episode of Dead Like Me? If you haven't, you are missing out.

Ron discovered it for the both of us and ever since then I anticipate watching the next episode. I'm glad that somehow the show has made its appearance to me somehow cuz there are a lot of things that the show covers that would have been so helpful after my mom died. See, the show itself has given me a sense of comfortability with death.

Yeah yeah...I know death is suppose to be something we fear but in fact the show has taught me that death is to be celebrated. There are unforseen things that occur and because that, you gotta live...you only miss something when it is truly gone. For me, that's my mom. So I fucked up...I pushed everyone away especially her and that is my mistake because I'll never be able to take that back. It hurts to see others enjoy spending time with those they love and I actually envy them. I want that...I want to be with the person I love...it's sad though that he doesn't want to spend time with me...

anyways, back to what I was saying...I look like my mom. I see it a lot more in pictures now. The thought of graduating scares me...saddens me too. I look at my senior pictures and I think "yeah, cool" but then sometimes it kicks in that my mom isn't around to see 'em.

Why am I not lucky?

*sigh*...why?