You know what...I feel like my xmas list...constantly being read but unheard...I feel set aside...I feel unfulfilled...I feel useless...

I heard christmas shoes last night and I thought about my mom.

I hate christmas...all it brings is more heartache. December brings back all the pain and I just wanna curl into a ball and sleep away the month. God, I know it's your birthday...but dang, I can't even see that anymore. I think of all the money I have to spend on gifts...I have to remember that my mom isn't there...I have to remember that when xmas eve comes around that I won't even be noticed...

I'll be forgotten, like always...because I don't matter.

Finals are around the corner and I feel wasted...four years of chaos and misguidance and indetermined futures...

Hello, real world! I'm ready for the unemployment line...

Who cares if I read Milton's works...or Eliot...or Roth...or Plath...or chaucer for that matter...WHO CARES!?!?
Who cares that I learned Tagalog...who cares that I like math...who cares if I can read 4 novels in a day and a half...WHO CARES!?!?!

WHO FUCKING CARES!?!?!

This year has been full of misery...full of reminders...full of changes...full of death...

Go away, 2004...2005, come soon

I feel beaten...

I don't *can't* understand why you can't care about the things that are important to me...
why...
I try to understand why other things are important to u...
I don't understand why can't I be important to u...

I feel like I'm flailing alone in a sea of darkness and your light overlooks me...
My cries are silenced by your ignorance
My tears are diminished by your carelessness...
I drown and I get a mere glance from you...
you walk right pass me...as I am boundly submersed in blankness...

...good-bye, world...I know you won't miss me...