And then...

Scary...I'm trying to figure out in my mind of a way to let go...Inside, u know...let go...Just can't seem to find the words...I just can't...*sigh*

Uno!

So after a long night of direly needed sleep...things turned out nicely tonight. I guess after all these feelings of neglect, disappointment, depression, and "I just don't know"...a day like today was in order...hehe okay, dire need. Ron missed work today and I went in for an hour or so. Yeah, those cheese, ham, and pepperoni fries I made this morning were HEAVY on the tummy...
I went to work today...hehe Grace padded my hours so I could work next week...u know, fat paycheck at the end of this month. GOOD! Fell asleep in the living room in the early evening...started watching Zoolander later on...FUNNY SHIT! hehe And then I saw my first episodes of Sex in the City...it is sorta addicting! Then there was Vh1s illustrated...that shit was funny too! Then...UNO!!! It was funny...Aiza...Mark...Me...Ron...then add Seung and Rose to the mix...OMG!!! Yeah, Ron and I are a good team when we play together but apart...haha we're cheaters. I look at Ron and tonight I realized why I care about him so much...why I let him in my life in the beginning...not the Ron I've gotten to know as of late...his fun loving spirit just draws me in and I can't help but wanna be close to him. I know I have to pull back sometimes cuz I get too close and too clingy but hehe can u blame me? Anyways, on that note I should try and get some sleep.

Nite, errbody

Uno!

So after a long night of direly needed sleep...things turned out nicely tonight. I guess after all these feelings of neglect, disappointment, depression, and "I just don't know"...a day like today was in order...hehe okay, dire need. Ron missed work today and I went in for an hour or so. Yeah, those cheese, ham, and pepperoni fries I made this morning were HEAVY on the tummy...
I went to work today...hehe Grace padded my hours so I could work next week...u know, fat paycheck at the end of this month. GOOD! Fell asleep in the living room in the early evening...started watching Zoolander later on...FUNNY SHIT! hehe And then I saw my first episodes of Sex in the City...it is sorta addicting! Then there was Vh1s illustrated...that shit was funny too! Then...UNO!!! It was funny...Aiza...Mark...Me...Ron...then add Seung and Rose to the mix...OMG!!! Yeah, Ron and I are a good team when we play together but apart...haha we're cheaters. I look at Ron and tonight I realized why I care about him so much...why I let him in my life in the beginning...not the Ron I've gotten to know as of late...his fun loving spirit just draws me in and I can't help but wanna be close to him. I know I have to pull back sometimes cuz I get too close and too clingy but hehe can u blame me? Anyways, on that note I should try and get some sleep.

Nite, errbody

two down, one to go
I think I'm taking this quarter's finals too lightly...

I need to relax...I'm too stressed

I try to figure out what hurts more...the silent phone that i wait impatiently by or the reason why i wait impatiently by the phone...I wonder why it is so hard for u to just be more attentive...more true to ur word...why the fuck I feel like I suffer in this relationship more than I enjoy it lately...dammit, being more attentive shouldn't be a fucking obligation but a given...I'm at the point in which I just feel like giving up on trying to make him see...he doesn't want to hear from me...he doesn't want to talk about it...and I just fall more and more into this depression...fake a smile when I don't even feel like smiling...pretend that everything is great when I'm miserable inside...y are we together when it feels like u'd rather not be in a relationship with me...what will it take for me to finally get through to u? what will it take for u to see how much u are hurting me? what will it take to finally hear what u want out of all this?

What will it take?

Pardon me while I burst...into flames...

One thing that I've learned over and over again this quarter from english is that fire gives life and at the same time, can take it away...so what do I do when i have this burning desire inside? Do I let it engulf me or do I let it give me life? Right now, it is consuming me...eating away at me slowly...pushing me to my outer limit cuz my bf and I are, on one hand, talking again, but, on the other hand, is that a good thing? Nothing has been resolved from what happened the other week and I want to talk it out...I want to resolve things...I want to move forward...but i can't. The more I try to talk it out the more it seems like he wants to turn his back. Pardon me if it just seems a lil unfair to me but how do u see all this? I see that nothing has changed and I'm still putting as much as I did before and ur doing just the same...not putting forth much. Waiting isn't easy...if it was then I'd have no problem with it...but why does it seem that everything becomes this convenient thing for u while I get trailed along waiting for a scrapping of attention from you? You wondered why I questioned whether or not our relationship would pull through from the other week...take a hard look at it all, Ron...who is really getting the raw deal here?