The moment that sex is involved, everything gets turned on its head. Nothing is the same...your innocence is gone...you become so aware of everything beautiful and everything tragic. What if's run thru ur mind the second you realize what you have done:

What if I get pregnant?

What if I get HIV...or another STD?

What if he doesn't speak to me again because of this?

What if...
Call me ol' fashion for wanting to wait for that special someone to come along...that one I say "I do" to...the one that I never would have to go thru the "what if's" with...I've watched so many friends and relatives go through so much because of one night of sex...I know myself...I'd be so attached that it wouldn't be funny. I hate the fact that people take one look at me and they just assume that I've done this or that...why do we judge so quickly? Is it something within us that triggers some insecurity?...some jealousy?...some desire? It's just such a trip...

Snoop
My dog has cancer...
Seems like a running trend...Snoop (short for Snoopy) is my Big huge German Shepherd/collie dog. I've had him since I was about 8 or 9, I believe. He has a bald spot above his right hind leg...the life seems sucked out of him. He's not the hyperactive dog that I remember dragging me down the street. I may have neglected him over the years but one fact remained: He's my dog. I named him...he was mine...tmw he'll be put to sleep. To some people Snoop may just be a dog but to me he's another chapter in my life that has come to an end. Sad but true...my bro wants to know what dog we should get now...I don't know...we've had two german shepherds so far...Knight/Night...Snoop/Snoopy...For that short while we had Daz.... My bro wants a doberman...a small one. we'll see...

I love you, Snoop...you'll be in God's hands now...

::Grunt::
so I wish I could write about my lovely lil weekend (actually day) in vegas but unfortunately I can't. Why? That's easy: WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS, STAYS IN VEGAS! Mai's the coolest...she's those type of lay low friends who will be down with you for life. She puts others' happiness before their own. She tells you straight up what she thinks. She's strong willed, intellligent, and beautiful. She could have the world in the palm of her hand if she wanted to. This weekend just made me realize how lucky I am. So yea, maybe I didn't have the best of luck in the game of love in the past but I thank God that it wasn't worse. It's hard to simply receive a broken heart but it's harder to move on if you get a broken heart and more. I pray to God that he'll bring Mai the finer things in life; the many things that she deserves. The situations that she is in right now are not the easiest things in life to get through. I pray that God gives her strength and peace of mind. Love is the most complicated emotion...the hardest thing to get over...the happiness in life...the pain and sadness of a broken heart...it embodies so much. Mai was able to make me look at Ron with more open eyes than I have been willing to look at him with. He's a sweetheart. There isn't a doubt in my mind that he isn't one. He tries to make me happy and yes, at times I do get disappointed, hurt, and saddened in the process but it is done with love...with all the world's best intentions. I needed this weekend...this simple get away...even if it was simply for a day. I needed to have fun...let loose...be me without regret. So what if I lost money along the way...only materialistic things. They can be replaced. To let go...to remember...to hold on to what is important...to see the gleam in my lola and lolo's eyes...the chuckle of my dad...the smile of my bro...the desire of my friends...these are priceless. I just wanna be alone right now to be with my thoughts. To blog...hehe Forget for a second that my grades are on the rocks for this quarter. To forget that I have a cold that just is making me so very weak. I want...