d jst ikma n: sheeena!

Auto response from ToTL Pinay: Schedule:
Random shit til 5
cousins "get together" tonight
Disneyland tmw with the whole family

Happy birthday to Anthony and Ryan...Invid patrol, have fun this weekend-not too much fun!!!:-P

d jst ikma n: awwwwww... thanx sheena.. ur the greatest

d jst ikma n: =)

d jst ikma n: have fun tomorrow

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANTHONY!!! Ur finally LEGAL!!! hahaha, Have a good one.

TMW: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RYAN!!! Now Ur legal too...haha u and Anthony need to go to a strip club together lol...j/p

smile of the moment :Auto response from EdblEddie: sheena is THE sexy one...

Rosey just brought to my attention the first time we ever met Eddie. Wow, it's been LESS than a year...I say a lil less than 6 months ago. HAHA...if it wasn't for Tam and his oddness I don't think Rose and I would have met such a great guy like U, Eddie! The first time we saw u was when u came downstairs to the front of freeborn and saw us sitting on the railing. It was such an awkward first couple of SECONDS and I don't know what did it...I guess it was when we were in ur room chilling and stuff that we figured out how cool u were. U were just so easy to talk to...and then u played rosey's jam...haha yea, i think that was it. No one could study hahahha...It was a crazy...u played Tokyo ghetto pussy and the rest was history. We were up til four talking and shit. That was a GREAT NITE!!! I think our thank you gift was enough to say that for us. **smile** Well, yea, when u hit Santa Monica for Xmas, let us know so we can all hook up for dinner or something.

Art asked me to play ball on thursday...wow, I miss it soooo much!! Haven't balled since that one time with the guys like the first week of move in this year. I SUCKED SOOOO MUCH!!! I couldn't keep up with Anthony. Blegh! We'll see how my fat ass moves.

ToTL Pinay: I should get u a mickey thong

ToTL Pinay: lol

EddiexBoi: aww.

EddiexBoi: will you...wear it for me?

EddiexBoi: hahah jk

EddiexBoi: we can be thong buddies then

ToTL Pinay: haha i am already ur thong buddy

ToTL Pinay: i have the same thong we gave u

EddiexBoi: you are my GODDESS

EddiexBoi: we shall talk later. apologizes for being rude and not responding to your ims. had phone call. from mom. who misses me. like i miss you.

EddiexBoi: bye.

EddiexBoi: for now.

AWwW...Eddie is the best guy in the world!!! haha, yes, that is a quotable statement from me!!!
Neways...gosh, today is funny! I don't know...just cuz last nite was so weird I guess. Yea, anyways, getting the tix to the gala was a funny incident...just calling everyone back and forth and all. I was in work at the time just listening to diet tips and stories and more gossip...lol I love my job.

Rose and I went to westside pavillion today looking for a dress which of course I didn't find...one did come close though. ::Sigh:: I just want the night to be perfect...thought I know it's not cuz I have no expectations for it at all cuz if I do, I'll be disappointed. I just want it to be a fun night full of food, dancing, and laughter...I think that'll happen...Ryan, Mai, Rose and myself...definitely will happen!!! Yea, one great evening...better than last year.

TOnight was funny, when me and rose got back we passed thru LA tennis center...I saw a familiar shaped head-KEVIN'S...I yelled down to them...it was Trevor, Kevin, and Ryan. Ryan nearly hit me with a freakin' tennis ball!!! But yea, when we came back up and went to eat at De Neve, guess who we ran into...THEM AGAIN!!! Hahah it was funny. Rose and I had a nice talk about relationships. IT's weird cuz after the shit I've been thru, i don't think I know anymore about relationships than rosey does. Odd cuz i can swear I learned my lesson the first times but nope, i haven't. I established my unresolved issues with Mike but yet nothing is fixed. Yea, Nothing is fixed!

Now the funny part...the best part of the evening...no one is here on our floor right now except for a select few. But yea, Kevin came into our room to use Aiz's comp but then Peter came in and plopped right down on my bed wearing nothing but boxers and shorts...he was teasing...Lude comments of course...Kevin pushed rose down on the bed and Peter grabbed her and held her down...It was hilarioius. He made her grab his ass and then I took pictures of it...man, that was funny. Supposelly I was next but uh uh, HELL NO! haha Kevin even laid with Peter for a while...Uh Huh...MMMM there u go...match made in heaven!!! LoL Anthony loves my Pooh bear a lot...haha SNUGGLIER! Gross haha, I have a perverted pooh bear. But yea, I got to go now, I'm sleepy and tired!!! I'll update about the "party" tmw and disneyland!!!

Song of the moment: Still on my brain by Justin Timberlake

Quote of the moment: Rosey: "It's SoOoOo COLD!"

Me: "It's cold! Really?!?! How cold are u?"

Rose: "Pretty..."

Me: **questioning sarcastic voice** "You're PRETTY???"

Mood: SCREWED...Gotta do my hwk but too tired haha I'll do it tmw

Happy late halloween! N-e-ways, last nite's lil bday celebration created much stirred emotions in me. Sorta sad that some things mean less to people but more to others. Take me for example, birthdays are worth celebrating...it's a day to commemorize the life of another...well, to some, it doesn't matter. What kind of shit is that? I don't know. I take friend's bdays seriously...cuz without them, they would have never been in my life. Well, fine whatever...just a thought u know.

We went to Olive garden last nite...that's the first time I've ever been there. Yea yea, sorry, I don't eat out much. It was nice...elegant but yet casual at the same time. Aiza, Rosey, Alina, Hoosie, and Gabe went with me. I totally knocked out like a lil baby last nite. SOOOOO TIRED!!! Fell asleep with my contacts on and everything...didn't take a shower or brush my teeth. KRAZIE!! Yea, Leo couldn't make it and all...it's alright. It wasn't his fault that he couldnt' make it. Andrew of course did not call back and show up like he said. Figures, a lot of my friends do that...they tell me something, i take their word, and they flake. Hey, it's all good. I think my motto should just be changed to, "yea, it's okay...I'm use to being disappointed by u." Well, I talked to Mike last nite which was cool....it was alright. My heart grows more and more distant about him all the time now. Weird, cuz I never thought this love would fade...but now it has or at least beginning to. He's trying to make an effort or at least an effort in his own way. I guess it'll do.

This weekend I have a lil cousin "get together". haha Totally use that term in a quotation...yea, I'll inform later on that lil shindig. Disneyland is on Sunday...can't wait for that. Hehehe, yea, I've had familying bonding for this weekend and last weekend. COOL!!!!

Random thought: If u were to be with anyone for the rest of ur life...who would u be with? Where would u live? Would it be happily ever after ending or mad horror story? I don't know...just random thinking...the perfect person may be right next to u and u never will know that. Hey, it's those people that can put a smile on ur face that are worth more than any amount of money...cuz u know, smiles are priceless and so are u. ::sigh:: mmmm, play with me, baby, but don't play with my heart!!! LoL

song of the moment: (actually playing at this very second) "Take it from here" Justin Timberlake

quote of the moment: "I wanna be a lake for u babe and any problems that u have I want to wash em away. i wanna be ur sky so blue and high and anytime time that u think of me I wanna blow ur mind. I wanna be ur air so sweet and fair so anytime that u feel u can't breathe I'll be there... i wanna be ur answer all the time so u see i put ur life before mine, with no question....when all the love is gone and u can't carry on, don't worry girl..i'm gonna take it from here just as sure the sun shines every morning evertyime...don't worry girl, I'm gonna take it from. if there's no one to hold and u realize that the world is cold don't worry girl, I'm gonna take it from here."

mood: reminiscing and feeling on u...::smile::**thinking of u all the time**

I didn't get to finish what I was typing last nite but yea...forgot it now. Right now I'm just really mixed emotions...yes, I am always this amalgam of shit inside. I told Aiza today while we were at Caruso's that I was content...but that was before realizing that I was even lying to myself. Unaware of course...I wouldn't purposely do something like that....but yea, needless to say, I hate to believe that when it comes to disappointment, the only person to blame is yourself. Me and my high expectations---> it leads to no good at all. It hurts to still think that close friends can so easily flake on you...it may be their nature but it's saddening nonetheless. I wanna cry right now cuz I wanna let out what I'm feeling but I don't know how to or what emotions to display them in. I want to scream and shout sooooo loud right now....too bad Aiza is asleep and it's quiet hours. I wanna run around the floor and tire myself out---too bad I'm already tired. Depending on people also screws me over...u would think after years of knowing someone dependency wouldn't be a question...HA, safe to say that fate still rises to the occassion and keeps me on my freaking toes. Why am i still living in a dream world when I know reality hits me like a champion fighter in a the 12 round. It's horrible...cuz I am happy one minute and lost the next. Torn btw two opposite emotions...feelin that way for practically no apparent reason. Grow up, Sheena! YOU ARE NOT THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE! Wish I could take that advice and learn for once...eh, but old habits are hard to break especially with me. A good nap would really help right now too bad I don't want to go just yet.

Today was my film midterm...I believe it went well...too many facts but that's okay. Yesterday's women studies midterm was alright...I know I could have done better if I actually tried to keep up with the class. Yea, procrastination is a bitch...but at the same time, it has become my friend. I ran into Will yesterday...I know he knows that I saw him walking my way behind moore and powell...I hate the fact I looked down and looked away. That isn't like me but I guess some people are better off avoided. Why, you ask? No particular reason just I think the concept of leaving the past in the past should be upheld especially with him. Comprising in certain situations still haunts me...makes me feel so naive and hurt and misread...that was not me! ::SIGH:: I think i remember where I was going with yesterday's blog: past is no longer here...future approaches so quickly and there is nothing I can do about it. I can never go back to the past...to the people...to the events...to anything...I have to face it-MY PAST IS GONE! That's why I like Halloween so much...u can be someone else for one day. You can act like a complete moron and say, "that wasn't me...that was a character I was playing for Halloween." Amazing...it helps to be someone else for one nite....hence, tonight I was an angel...black short, a halo, black dress, high heels, white wings, with shimmer all over. Could I be my mom, an angel in her own right? COuld I be a dark angel, still evil and twisted as ever? Could I be just me hidin behind a fake phasod to ease a troubled mind? U make the call...

All Hill Halloween was today...pretty nice. I didn't get to be a tour guide but I had fun nonetheless with running a game with Tina. The kids tired my ass out. Some rude lil ones...so unbearable. Still, they are kids. Let their rudeness bite them in the ass later in their life...y bring it up now. I gave out most of the candies today...it was worth all the work, money, and effort to give everyone candy. Johnathon's one comment made my night, "that girl is special!' YEA FOR ME! LoL...odd how it's the lil things that matter to me rather than what seems to be important.

i read Eddie's blogger today...something one of his friends asked him was pretty true...tone can be detected in a single entry. I know mine can come off taht way. i type the way i speak...straightforward, sometimes superfluous language, straight from the heart....I think Eddie is cool...definitely doesn't seem like the flakey friends I mentioned....a good guy all around. It's too bad I can't find a guy like him...I think I'd be set for life and could die early...LoL. No, really! Eddie-you are wonderful! Seems a lil hard to believe that because of our short friendship but seriously, ur great. All u have to do is im me with something small and seems insignificant but u don't realize that it means so much to me. Thank u...a part of me is saved for u....a integral part of my heart...u see, ur words move me when u type out ur blogger. Amazing blogs from an amazing person...that's what life needs...someone to challenge ur thoughts...move u emotionally...see thru different perspectives....Thanx for giving those gifts to me.

tmw we'll see if the bday celebration is still on...right now, I don't feel like celebrating with people who don't wanna celebrate at all...Go do what u MUST...I stick to MY WORD!

Song of the moment: "take it from here" J. timberlake (yea, my bro burned me his cd...pretty good)

Quote: "that's one special girl." =P

Mood: Exhausted in so many ways

It's weird...lately I've been looking back at my past....mostly staring at my heart of pix and realizing the many things that have changed. Thinking to myself how I was back then, the problems I had then thinking that my life was so bad, now realizing that I wish I could have those simple problems once again. High school ::sigh:: I miss u so much...hahaha...Yea, I just dont 'know. This year has already awaken me from the life I once thought was set in stone for me...but now, it's no longer the way it is....yea, I got to study now, finish u later

Another day...that's what it feels like. Usually my birthday feels more special than this but I guess that was only cuz I made it a huge thing. Sux cuz I have two consecutive days of midterms...more shit I don't know. College would be so much more fun without the hassle of classes, don't u think? I'm torn in a way that it seems that my birthday is nice and fun but yet lost and cold. Look at me...kaplan book open with a highlighter uncapped; two empty plastic champagne glasses with an empty open bottle of martenelli's; ME-not wanting to study knowing full well that I should be but instead choose to do something more important to me--->tell my story. I'm officially 19 now...a not so significant age. I'm already an adult but not old enough to drink or gamble or rent a car...*rolls eyes* the significance of years no longer matters to me for it seems like I just want to go back into the past and change everything up til now. I miss my mom...she was always the only one who would tell me happy birthday on exactly the time I was born-7:57pm. She would yell it to me if I was in the shower or pop her head in when I was in my room. I went to see her this weekend. I pruned the edges of her tomb cuz grass n weeds were growing everywhere. i brought her the snapdragons I had bought from the farmer's market. I didn't cry this time...didn't let the tears fall this time. I just stared at her tombstone for a while...

Saturday was the big homecoming game...MY FIRST FOOTBALL GAME. Well, I mean UCLA game. I took my daddy with me, cuz u know, father daughter time. It was great! Just the two of us waving our blue and yellow pom poms and both sporting our UCLA letterman's jackets. I had not seen him for over three weeks. It was a nice way to start the weekend. Sunday, I came back early forgetting completely about daylight savings and waking up at 5am when i thought it was 6...*sigh* stupid me! We went to downtown so I could search for a birthday dress and a gala dress...didn't find either. Sux, i can't even wear my old formal dresses cuz I got too top heavy except for the one I wore to my benefit last year...too many memories in that dress though with a person that I would rather not remember right now. Nothing against him, just not wanting to remember. I'm just not thinking straight lately.

For my bday Aiza gave me one blue and one red pucca n garu coin holders...SO KYOOT! Alina and Moniqua gave me this really cool journal book and gel pens...more places to write the craziness of my mind. Ryan gave me a homemade card...sweet gesture. My boss gave me a mini bday cake...So sweet! Overall bday is nice and quiet....really out of the ordinary for me. LoL

Peter chased me....I ran so fast...and ditched him...led him into a trap and gabe scared the shit out of him--->TWICE!!! It was hilarious! He wore my wig yesterday and he looked exactly like mike...well very close to it. It was sooooo funnie!

No guys! yea right, I don't think that is going to stay true this year...my heart's leading me on a wild goose chase and I can't keep up! Old feelings, new feelings...what the hell?!?!?! I don't know, I guess it's just me. I think i'm falling for someone but I don't want to cuz now is not the time for anyone in my life...it isn't right when i still need time to change my ways. Guess who didn't call me for my bday? Yea, mike...sorry asshole...I knew he didn't really care. Sux to know that the one I loved can't even remember such an important date...makes me sad inside. **BLEGH**

anyways, I got a midterm tmw..gotta study

Song of the moment: "never again" Justin timberlake

Quote: "i would have given up my life for u...guess it's true what they say about love...it's blind. Girl, you laughted straight to my face, looking in my eyes, and I believed you cuz I loved you more than life. and all you had to do was apologize. U didn't say ur sorry, i don't understand. I odn't care that you hurt me, n now I'm half a man than when I use to be when it was u and me...u didn't love me enough...my heart may never mend and u'll never get to love me again....never again...."

Mood: **wondering**