Internet's been trippin on me lately so I haven't been able to put anything down about my first day in school. Awww, shiz, we startin' this whole 3 quarter, 30 weeks, 50 mins lecture madness all over again. First day was a trip...geography seems like a cool class. I think I might like it. LS was cool but I dropped it to get Tagalog. Right now I'm debating on whether or not I should keep the UCLA chorale thing or not. It'd be fun but I don't know notes real well enough to cite back. Anyways, Tagalog placement was a trip cuz I sorta knew what was written but I didn't know what to put back...lol. Our teacher said I am what is called a heritage learning speaker. Meaning I have heard it before or at least have been exposed to it but I am not really able to speak it back or write it. I kinda am trippin on the class cuz we keep having to learn these songs and stuff and I feel like a five year old singing and shiz. I played ball last nite. Ja$e was off tonight...so was I. We both had shit on our minds. It sux when ur outside life messes up your game...basketball is one of my escapes but last nite, it didn't help. Seeing Ja$e not all there too made me wonder even more. I set some good picks for him though and he ended up getting his game back at the end but he wasn't satisfied. I still trip that he's 27 cuz then I wish he was still at ucla cuz he seems like a really cool guy. But yea, Ricky is trying to holla at me. It's kinda funny...but yea, I ain't feelin him cuz I'm feenin' for someone else right now. I talked to Jorge last nite too...he's takin me to the game tmw. Tmw is Rain's bday and Janzel's too. I got Rain a jersey and 50 bux and tix to the game tmw along with my dad. Family day! haha anyways, I went to Tagalog today, came back to the apt. spoke with the lawyers and talked out shiz...went and played tennis. I messed up my back playing with Chris. I got intimidated so I was thrown off my game completely. I went and played ball, ran into George. Vernon hella talked me up to George...it was pretty funny. But yea, before George had come in, Some fool popped my shoulder. I couldn't move it for a while but then I got it going. Thank god it didn't get out of the socket...I would have been dead. But yea, I'm tired...I rolled with george for a bit. Played him HORSE...like back in the day...i lost but I didn't care cuz I had an excuse. Hahaha...he didn't beat me zip to horse so I'm still good. I'm over it...it's great...like this huge weight off my shoulders. I can smile again and not fake it. Hahaha...sad to say that i live that way sometimes but when u get dissed by someone you care for, you get a lil sad and upset. But i'm over it. I gotta pack up and get some sleep. Eh, I'll call up Jorge.

Song of the moment: "Good Girl" Vanessa Marquez

Thought I was your guiding light
your angel what did I know
was prepared to sacrifice my halo
I was bugging out
everybody come to me
telling me the things they seen
your girlfriend live for the love life
but that's alright if thats what you like

mood: Over You

I gotta stay away from wooden! I'm totally hooked on this fool...but yea, I'm a fight it...I'm not gonna let my feelings rule me this time. I'm gonna back off and just flow a different way. I think good times with my ex would be nice...just skeptical about it all. I don't know what to say...I have a lot going on right now. I spent 4 hrs. at wooden today. Yes, FOUR! One less than yesterday...even after all the pain in my back I still went. But yea, anyways, I got booted twice from my game...so I got mad and went to play badminton with Nat and her roommates. I miss the sport! Smashing the birdy was good stuff today! I had fun...at nine I rolled to the bball courts. Good stuff! well not really cuz I sucked but I tried. I had a nice rip from a guy today but I missed the lay up...UGHHHHHH! I missed everything today...I hate myself! Stupid me...but yea, I embarassed myself tonight...gonna drop it next time I see him...for now, I think I should get some sleep cuz yea, nothing to do tmw...

Song of the moment: Wanna know by frankie j

I wanna know...I wanna know if you really wanna be with me....I wanna know if you really got it bad for me...I wannna know if you're willing to givev everything...oh...I wanna know if you're down for anyting...yeah...

Mood: I want him...haha

The more I reflect on my past entries the more I realize how *relationship-wise* I'm totally messed up. It seems like I'm trying to find ANYONE to be with but that's not the case...old feelings and new feelings, u know how it goes. I'm really jockin' my "friend" cuz he's amazing...I'd put more shit down about the lil things but other friends would know who I am talking about and then I'd never hear the end of it.

NO GUYS! Must not get involved!

Anyways, today was my last day working with annette. I came in at 11 and then went out to lunch with them and left. We went to Scallions...good food but too greasy for my taste. I made them candle holders and decorated a candle for Art, Alicia, Betty, and Annette. Good times...

Back is hurting...oh no, what do I do???

It's so easy for me to start falling...it's so hard for me to get back on track...

I think I'm starting to like a friend of mine...Okay, I know I do but I don't want to. This always happens to me, I can't help to see the greatness in these guys...I don't know hat to do ...*sigh* I talked with him today and learned some lil things today...it's the lil things that make up a person.

*head spinning off body* I'm sooo lost!!! I think these feelings stirring within me are not good ones...like and hate...there's the thin line. What do I do? Roller coaster ride...does this mean anything?

So the saga continues...

I don't know what to think right now...I'm rather confused...yesterday was just one of em days...
I went home for a bit to pick up rose and do some errands. Iwas heading to Food 4 Less and I turned left off of Citrus on to Puente...The truck that was ahead of me swerved from the right lane to the left lane without signaling...I was like, "what the hell?" So I stayed in the right hand lane and drove up...all of a sudden the truck started turning right while I was next to him...I swerved and sped up to avoid him but it was too late, he rammed into my car and I went flying...I thought it was going to tilt and for a while it seemed like we were on two wheels. I tried to regain control of the wheel and I remember rosey's slurpee spillin everywhere and getting wet and jumpin the sidewalk and slamming the break and throwing my gear into park. We were wedged between a light pole and a fence...well, we were inches away from more injury...we could have flipped, we could have hit the pole, we could have fell into the ditch and flipped...if i didn't try to swerve or speed up to avoid his turn on me I could have been slammed into by the truck. Scary! Just think, if I was in a smaller car or if I hit the pole or if we turned over or went into the ditch??? What could have happened...I don't know OMG! The guy knew it was his fault but he claimed that we were both in the right hand lane and that I was trying to squeeze past him...not the case cuz he moved to the left hand lane but never signaled to move right.
Today was even stranger...Jorge came over for a bit...He brought over my other couch but to do so he had to meet my father, without me there!!!! OMG...crazy...he passed I suppose but yea, that takes balls to do. He came over and chilled the whole afternoon and night...it was nice. I don't know what to say or think about him. Things went down, I guess, and i don't know how to take it cuz is it happening cuz he's on the rebound, am I on the rebound, do I still like him, does he like me...what the fuck? I guess I miss him but these feelings of hurt and disappointment are lingering...what makes me think things won't go down again??? Who knows...I sure don't...*sigh* *sigh* *sigh* I'm confused...

Song of the moment: "What if" Babyface

Mood: Confused