So once again I find this incredibly funny...I wrote my English paper today that was also DUE today. Yes, procrastination is a bitch and I always do it. I guess I figured out that if I don't have a real motivation, and I mean a REAL MOTIVATION, there is no point for me to do it early. Alina and my presentation went okay this morning...my ta didn't show up, which is weird. She said she'd come...oh well

I went to PTSP's banquet tonight...totally fun! Of course, the ever so drunk TJ. LoL but he's soooo cute and nice and cool...blah! Mike was funny too! Made a mistake tonight but hehe let's not go there. We sang "Beautiful" again tonight though it sounded hella weird...Yea, the fun times of PCH and PTSP @ Sangria in Hermosa Beach. Go there if u wanna have a nice date cuz it seriously is nice. It's like going to San Diego...good times! I got kicked out cuz I'm not 21...SUX!!! At least I got a dance with TJ which basically is always fun cuz we go at it like no other! LoL

The drive home was fun...forgot to give Art back his wallet. Lewis and I went to Coffee Bean and got some drinks after the party...we ran into Suzanne there. She's the greatest...wish i got to know her better this year. But it's cool...fun times nonetheless. Got some Diddy for Georgie Porgie cuz he gots a double finals shot on mOnday...those suck ass! But yea...hehe a really chill kick back night

I'm going home for a bit tmw...be back later tmw night

Mood: happy...for the mean while

ToTL Pinay: I will always love u
NiHM82: i love you too

hahaha...yea, that's just funny

Hehe so yea, I am gonna totally love next year's staff for PCH. Even though Mel, Richelle, Richard, Art, Sheena, Sherry, Lewis, and Toni won't be there...we definitely have a crazy ass staff. So transition dinner went totally well tonight...I think Francis and I are gonna work well for next year. He has some hidden *skills* that I know will come out of him every now and then, just like tonight. Hahaha, an image I'm kind of trippin out about but yea. hahaha, Rio too! That boy is totally crazy! hehe Wish I could say more but u know, Apt. 108 trust!!! But yea, after finals the big thing to do is plan out tabling in the summer to reel in those innocuous lil freshmen and also set up summer/fall retreat!!! OOOh, that's gonna be great!!! But yea, I didn't get back early...should have cuz I needed to do my essay. FOR SURE, tmw I am gonna work on my essay and my history project!!!

Song of the moment: "In Da Club" 50 cent

Why? hehe, let me just say this much: Lady's reluctance, Francis and some booty shaking, a crumpled up dollar from me--->u figure it out!!!

Mood: Happy...extremely happy

When u feel it...u just feel it...

*SIGH*

I FEEL SOMETHING...

hehe...what the hell does this mean????

So okay, I was on my way to Hedrick to drop off Raj's movie and also work out a bit and also start my paper...well, um, yea that didn't happen. I was on the phone with Son when I saw George shootin ball...We played and i lost...and that makes me sad. Dang, that might be the last time I shoot ball with Georgie boy...especially on Rieber courts cuz they getting demolished next year due to construction. But yea, I'm kinda pissed a bit cuz I wasn't shooting well. I mean VERY POOR SHOOTING!!! I was disappointed in myself but yea...I guess that's how it all goes. I don't wanna write about George but hehe I kinda have to...lol I HATE U!!! I am suppose to WIN! Not u! This sux ass! *sigh* I need to redeem myself...*rolls eyes* So we gonna play next year? Or is ur poor knee not gonna take it? LoL Thanx for the smiles, George...and for teaching me that I'm imperfect...U Asshole! hehe* hug*

Mood: Angry cuz I'm suppose to win!!!

kyuriousG: i think im gonna retire for this year
kyuriousG: :-D
kyuriousG: thanks for playing with me ;-)
kyuriousG: you're such a GOOD sport!
ToTL Pinay: U SUCK ASS
ToTL Pinay: I hate u so much right now
ToTL Pinay: I'm seriously disturbed...I didn't even win once this time
ToTL Pinay: ...
kyuriousG: awwwww
ToTL Pinay: :-(I have to redeem myself
kyuriousG: poor baby
ToTL Pinay: shut up
ToTL Pinay: u suck
kyuriousG: next year
kyuriousG: keep practicing!

Can it be...that I've finally reached total insanity? Haha not yet, but when that English and History final comes around, I'm going to be sooooo FUCKED! Yes, fucked up the ass! Shoot...when the insanity ends, I only get a week and a half before more insanity begins!!! Still planning a trip up north again...we'll see when that happens. Moving into my apt. a week after I'm done with finals...crazy!!! I think this is the turning point in my life...no way I can turn back now...there's just no way now. Scary! Gotta breathe and make sure I can get through this with out breaking down...God, give me strength.
_________, thinking more than I should...but I guess it's still a good thing cuz ur something to work towards. whatever that may entail, I have no idea. Ikaw ang kaibigan ko...magkaroon ako pagkalapit ng loob para saiyo. Whatever i guess...it doesn't matter anymore
Need to work on my paper now...

song of the moment: "reason for breathing" Babyface

If I cried like a baby would you change your mind ?
If I told you I'm Crazy would you come running back to me ?
The harder I try to break away, the more I get lost in yesterday
The man that you know is just a shell, living without your life is hell

I turn on the radio just to take the hurt away
Another night and I'm missing you
Girl, it's killing me, well

I don't wanna die tonight, but I think I might be going down
'Cause the only one I ever cared about is nowhere to be found

I don't wanna close my eyes 'cause I might not see the light of day
I'm almost out of air
You're my reason for breathing
You're my reason for breathing

I don't wanna go clubbing, I got no one to dance with me
I don't wanna go shopping, I got no one to spend my money on
Spending my time with one glass of wine
Playing solitaire just to ease my mind
Poured one for you, but I drank that too
Anything to kill the pain of losing you

I turn on the radio just to take the hurt away
Another night and I'm missing you
Girl, it's killing me

I don't wanna die tonight, but I think I might be going down
'Cause the only one I ever cared about is nowhere to be found

I don't wanna close me eyes 'cause I might not see the light of day
I'm almost out of air
You're my reason for breathing
You're my reason for breathing

I don't wanna die tonight, but I think I might be going down
'Cause the only one I ever cared about is nowhere to be found

I don't wanna close my eyes 'cause I might not see the light of day
I'm almost out of air
You're my reason for breathing
You're my reason for breathing

I don't wanna die tonight, but I think I might be going down
'Cause the only one I ever cared about is nowhere to be found

I don't wanna close my eyes 'cause I might not see the light of day
I'm almost out of air
You're my reason for breathing
You're my reason for breathing

So I'm reaching out on this distant line
Hoping deep inside your heart's gonna find a reason
To keep me breathing
But I'm Lost in this pain and I don't have much time
I'm so tired of walking this same old line
So I'm taking my pride, gonna throw it aside
Please let me breathe girl, I'm sorry

I don't wanna die tonight, but I think I might be going down
'Cause the only one I ever cared about is nowhere to be found

I don't wanna close my eyes 'cause I might not see the light of day
I'm almost out of air
You're my reason for breathing
You're my reason for breathing

I don't wanna die tonight, but I think I might be going down
'Cause the only one I ever cared about is nowhere to be found

I don't wanna close me eyes 'cause I might not see the light of day
I'm almost out of air
You're my reason for breathing
You're my reason for breathing

Baby girl, don't leave me standing here
I'm barely breathing, girl, I'm running out of air
Baby girl, don't leave me standing here
I'm barely breathing, girl, I'm running out of air

Mood: Wondering what tmw holds for me...

So today was soooooo tiring for me. I woke up in time to go with Alina and Elena and Mon to their church service. Yes, I went to a Christian church service today. Don't get me wrong, I went to my church today too...experiencing all of what life has to offer me. I feel bad though cuz I was soooo tired that everyone I met, I just wasn't my peppy self. But yea, I felt so drained cuz I was exhausted and we had service int he park in the hot sun. I came back here around 1:30 or so...had brunch and went to Ralphs and Longs with rose...she's having drama with a friend. Yea, her friend is acting hella stupid right now cuz she didn't hang out/talk for a week or so...thing is, that's how rose is...she detaches herself when it comes to having to finally do her work. Her friend doesn't understand that...what's funny is the fact that he is like her ex and also like me...we crave attention...and when we don't get it, we become big babies!!! LoL But yea...I don't like seeing her have to worry about that cuz I'm enough to handle lol...yea, she has other shit to think about and this drama doesn't help. I guess seeing her look at her logged aim convo made me kinda wanna do the same. I found some old convos on a disk when I was looking for one to save my mcdb paper on. The innocence of the early convos...it's soooo cute!!! I found some convos I had with David when he was barely trying to show his feelings for Rose last year...kinda funny. I was crushing on Paul at that time and I was whining about it to David cuz they are friends. Wow, that seemed like ages ago. I read some old convos with Eddie and with George...what seemed so recent seems like in the distant past. I guess that's how things go...everything just seems soooooo distant. *sigh* I wish it didn't feel that way but it does. Rose is readin the convos I had with David right now too...I guess it's good of her to reminisce of her first relationship...those feelings never fade...or at least the memories don't. *deep breath* It's beginning to hit me...this year is ending and everyone is leaving...I don't know how to deal with it...I think this year has been the year of growth. I actually stayed single the whole year!!! *shock* LoL...I actually studied more than I did last year!!!! LoL I'm beginning to find more of myself...still not there yet but getting there. Found people worth fighting for...though others don't believe that...I believe-I believe sooo much!!! I guess on that note I should try and sleep...I need it!

Song of the moment: "If you're not the one" Daniel Beddingfield

"If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all


I never know what the future brings
but I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
and I hope you are the one I share my life with


I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?


If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do i dream of you as my wife?


I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life


I don't wanna run away but I can't take it , I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?


'Cause I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side


I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I dont understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way I can stay in your arms?"

Quote of the moment: Rose-I'm gonna use u a lot
Today as we walked back from the store
Rose-Did u feel that? I feel something...
Me-The pitter patter in ur heart? Sorry I don't feel the same about u...
Rose-But I felt something...

Mood: Missin u already...haha not Rosey...someone else

It's like near 4 in the morning and after tonight u would think I would just plop into bed..screw the contacts and the make up and just go to BED!!! I'm awake right now...the past three nights have been awesome...I mean, on thursday it was the Black Eye Peas-up close and personal cuz I was in the front!!! Friday night was PCH banquet/afterparty too...It never fails for me to just feel so loved when I'm around them. Tonight was the CSC banquet...I bursted into tears watched Suzanne's video. Anyways...yesterday night's banquet was awesome!!! I met a new guy there and his name is Francis. He seemed cool...very cute of course ...lol but yea, I was glad that he was taking an interest in PCH and when they called out new staff members, it turned out that Francis is going to be my partner in crime. We are both Co-Social Recruitment chairs!!! hehe YEA FOR US!!! The skit was totally crazy. Arlyne got my lil butt moves down lol...but dang, Lady hella busted out with some dance/hairwhipping thing. It shocked us all...especially the family sitting on the side of the restaurant. It was great...the food was yummy...the presents were so cute. Dressing up Lady in the trad condom wear stuff was great. I added on a bikini to this years condom wear so let the tradition live on. I'm gonna miss the graduating people and those not returning. I can't believe Sheena (Peppa) the one that completes the Sheena set of PCH won't be returning. Richard isn't coming back...Art, the one that got me into PCH, is nto returning either. Toni...awww, she's not comin back but I've requested her for my SPEAR counsler next year!!! YEA! Still, she can't replace Chrisma...But yes, next year's director's and staff are going to be GREAAAAAAAAAATT!!! I have total confidence in Arlyne and Robyn. They will definitely do a good job!
CSC banquet...well, what can I say...it was a LONG NIGHT! They were hour and a half behind schedule. My daddy called me while I was on the way there. He's stuck in Utah right now. Haha Big boy and him decided to take a road trip...haha through Arizona and Utah. He called to tell me that the road is closed so they can't get back til tmw. He's looking for a Tshirt for me but he hasn't found one yet but he has bought me a necklace and bracelet. God, bring him safely home...I miss him! *sigh*
I was kinda weird being at banquet tonight cuz Art had to ask me something: "Where's George? Why didn't you bring him?" U know how Art gets...when he likes to tease a person...and seriously, that wasn't cool tonight. I don't know...I guess the sinking reality of not having him around in the summer is setting in and the fact that next year I'll probably not see him either. Kinda hurts...I'm possibly losing a friend. I hate that. Even though so many people tell me to forget him, I don't think I can nor do I really want to. I don't think people understand that he's a friend...someone who makes me feel this incredible feeling inside with just his presence or his random weirdness. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have friends...but sometimes I just don't feel down to be free with them...u know? It's hard to explain when u can't find the words to say what u mean and when u find those words, they still don't express urself completely. I guess George was sorta in my head tonight...and he shouldn't have been. I didn't let that stop me from having a great time which i did have. Listening to Richelle sing was awesome...her lovely voice captures me everytime. It's weird knowin that she won't be here next year...in choral or pch. She's been like that older sister that u just admire for all the greatness that she brings into the world. I didn't go to the afterparty...it wasn't really worth it tonight. lewis, Robyn and I went to Norms after the banquet. It was a nice relaxing night...got a lot of things out! But yea, I gotta wake up tmw morning to go to church with Moniqua and Alina...yea, it's a whole part of that learning experience...finding out what the world has to offer I suppose. But yea, I need tos leep and read and write tmw....OH GOSH!!! SO much to do this week! Gotta crack down.

Song of the moment: "Color Everywhere" Youth Asylum...heard it in the slideshow and I couldn't help but have my breath caught in my chest

Line that hurt me the most: "Use to seeing black and white
Never any in between
Waiting on the love of my life
To come into my dreams
Everything in shades of gray
Never any blues or greens
Needed someone else to turn to
Someone who can help me learn to see
All the beauty that was waiting for me

You put the blue back in the sky
You put the rainbow in my eyes
A silver lining in my prayers
And now there’s color everywhere
You put the red back in the rose
Just when I needed it the most
You came along to show you care
And now there’s color everywhere"

Mood: Sad to see things end this year but looking forward to what is going to come in the future...*shudders* oh wow!