It's 12:40am...

It's 12/24/04...

...Christmas Eve...

ARTlEda1MaNPaRTy: i said a prayer for your mom today
ARTlEda1MaNPaRTy: after midnight

3 years...you think it would be easier but it's just as hard. Part of me wants to stay here in bed and not leave and the other part of me just wants to forget. I am gonna go to the family party tonight and think to myself how all my cousins are luckier than me because they have their mom...they have their dad...they have both parents. They get to kiss their mom...they get to hug her and say Merry Christmas...they get to hear her say it back to them. I get silence...I get a reality check to the head that tells me that my mom is dead...that I don't get the goodness of having my mom around. Maybe I took for granted her presence...I'm not the only one...but dang, the time I most want her around, she isn't here.

Look, mommy...your lil girl is a senior. I miss you so much that it hurts...I feel so cold right now that I swear u are here. I need you...