I'm soooo stupid...

*SIGH*

"You never thought of me!" cried the girl, with a bitterness that reached her mother's heart. "I was nobody! I couldn't feel! No one could care for me!" The turmoil of despair, of triumph, or remorse and resentment, which filled her soul, tried to express itself in the words."

So it is 2:08am on a dismal Friday morning. The beating down pour of the rain just outside my window sets the mood...

I procrastinate too much...hehe. I have a paper due in about 14 hours and I have yet to finish the second book. At first, I thought the second book was going to be less enjoyable than the first but it turns out that I'm kinda liking the story. The excerpt from above is just after the climaxing point of the book...and for some reason, it struck a chord in me. The following lines after the excerpt are: "No," said the mother humbly. "I didn't think of you. Or I didn't think of you enough. It did come across me sometimes that maybe--but it didn't seem as if--And your going on so for Irene--"

I don't blame Penelope (The girl who spoke the top excerpt) in feeling the way she feels. She's the book smart one...her sister, Irene, is the pretty one. The pretty one who could stop people in their tracks just to stare at her in awe. And for once, JUST THIS ONCE, Penelope was loved for being her...intelligent...witty...herself. What's wrong with that? The mother's line: "I didn't think of you enough." Well, it definitely hits home. We all do it...we think of ourselves more than others at times....we don't mean it. It just happens. The sad part of it all is that we fail to understand that our actions, purposely or accidentally, affects others. It can affect them mentally, physically, whichever way you can think of--just know, it affects them. Whether it is a simple IM to say "hi!" or a call on the phone or even an email or an actual letter in the mail...it matters.

But when you check your empty Away msg box...or you email account...mailbox...vmail, cell phone and you find that it's empty or the silence is killing you...you feel like Penelope feels--"I was nobody! I couldn't feel! No one could care for me!" Is it that hard to do simple things?

It's times like these where I feel like that...up in the middle of the night looking for some fix to keep me focused...when all I feel like doing is sleeping like everyone else here. I think I deserve it...I deserve that small enjoyment...or some kind of enjoyment at the very least.

I guess I just gotta focus on the lil things...even though they are meaningless to others...

It never ceases to amaze me that people check my profile or my blog...I never know it though. I just go on thinking that I'm all alone in this world...writing these random thoughts and believing that I am still just a face amongst the crowd waiting to get noticed.

I guess God did shine down on me today...just a lil...found a diploma frame at the sale for hecka cheap and the UCLA laptop bag I was wanting...goodies for myself...then some goodies for my dad...

It sux though that I'm still sick...coughing and feeling horrible inside...

Part of me wishing I had talked to you today but part of me also is glad that I didn't...

Praying that I finish this book and finish this paper in time...*sigh*

Wish me luck...whoever you are...

Is it me or is Lent early this year?

Hehe...OH NO, I won't be able to cuss after Wednesday...SHIT, THAT FUCKING SUCKS! hehe No, I really have to stop cussing. I've been cussing too much lately that it actually seems like every other word that comes out of my mouth is an interjected "FUCK". hehe VERY BAD!!!

Aww...it's fifth week. Doesn't it seem like January just started yesterday? It's tripping me out... Getting notices that saying I gotta register to graduate by such and such date. Getting notices saying that after one more term my fin. aid. will be exhausted. I got mad papers due this week and next week. How did I do on my midterm? Shit, will I get any sleep? Will I freak out again?

I'm scared...

I got so much to do...and part of me is not caring about anything...

That part of me got to indulge yesterday night...
Hooters with the buds: Robyn, Art, Richelle and her friend, Nim...
Yeah, never knew Ultimate fighting could bring on such a crowd...waiting to get into hooters for a good 2 hours...yikes! My first full beer...hehe YEA! And another analysis of Donnie Darko...that can never get old.

Those are the times a person needs when everything else in their life is getting complicated. Just go out and have fun with friends you haven't seen in a while. Gotta love that shit. =P It's always a plus to meet new people too.

Blah, but today was back to reality...pay the bills...research for my paper...do pch stuff...feel like dying on the inside. A headache that lasts for days isn't normal...I think u all know what I mean...

Blegh...new record for me...three buffets in less than a week: Tuesday-buffet city, Friday-Grand buffet, and Saturday-World Buffet. Hehe to top it off, the day I went to World Buffet was the day I also went to Hooters...talk about mad oil all up in me. YIKES!!!

anyways, gotta get some sleep before i get all crazy...

P.S.
One more thing...hehe I told you patriots would win! hehe
To the Eagle's Fans: SUCKAS!!! =P