my throat hurts...

...the end

Mood: shitty cuz I still a lil sick

Tired but satisfied I suppose...

*sigh* I just wanna find things out right now...whatever the answer may be. I just want to find out now...

Song of the moment: Where is the love? BEP

Mood: Tummy full and throat aching!

So here's the low down on retreat...I wasn't feeling it at first. As much as I was anticipating it all week, it didn't live up to my expectations only because they were very very very high. The first night and early part of saturday I felt like I was peering into all the fun from the outside even when I was in the middle of it. I tried to figure out why I was bothered so badly by things but I just figured it was cuz I didn't feel like I belong anywhere. It felt kinda horrible for a while only cuz I knew how much work I had put into this to make it fun. It didn't feel great not being able to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I love PCH with all my heart but this retreat was divided. I thought it was only me who had noticed it but several others had seen that we were seperating ourselves from the rest of the group. I tried to keep it together, internally and externally but it was so hard just having to put up with everything. I could only take so much. I figured out some things this weekend...some good and some bad. Some I would wish to rather forget but dwells in my mind profusely. Feelings get out of whack and there is no way to turn back. You just can't help the way you feel no matter what someone tells you. They just can't understand from where you see things. My emotions are running on high and I just want to rest and lay back and kick it cuz I got sick. But stuff just doesn't end here...they never stop. I had something to look forward to but now it's on the rocks too. I'm wondering when something good is gonna happen. I got so much going on, I don't know where to start...I was cool for a while this past weekend only cuz I was able to bust loose in TJ...I got a piece of everyone but when u desire for one, even that lil taste ain't going to do it. I found out my grade for 10A...so I passed but so what...I didn't bother trying...now I wish I had. UGH, give me strength God...give me strength

Song of the moment: "Somewhere I belong" linkin park

Mood: Restless